Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch? Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt! Sir Bedevere: A newt? Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better. Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!
Sir Bedevere: ...and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped. King Arthur: This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
God: Arthur, King of the Britons, your Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times. King Arthur: Good idea, O Lord! God: 'Course it's a good idea!
French Soldier: Un cadeau. Other French soldiers: A what? French Soldier: A present. Other French soldiers: Oh. Un cadeau. Oui oui. French Soldier: Allons y! Other French soldiers: What? French Soldier: Let's go! Other French soldiers: Oh.
God: What are you doing now? King Arthur: Averting our eyes, oh Lord. God: Well, don't. It's just like those miserable psalms, they're so depressing. Now knock it off!
Capt. Oskar Steiger: [inside the German bunker] Sir, the Americans have taken Palermo! General Alfred Jodl: Damn! Messenger: [after pulling up to Monty's command post] Sir, Patton's taken Palermo! Field Marshal Sir Bernard Law Montgomery: Damn!
Withnail: [fondling the money Monty has given them to buy wellingtons] I think a drink, don't you? Marwood: What about the wellingtons? Withnail: Oh, bollocks to the wellingtons. We'll tell him they had a farmers' conference and had a run on them.
She looked so sexy with her sixteen cats that I just had to swipe right, but when she messaged me first quoting Monty Python, I knew it was Tinder love. Maybe on the first date we’ll knit the blanket we’ll make love under.
I stopped thinking and watched in horror as Tex banged the portafilter on top of the espresso machine. Monty hit a button and was drowned out by Tex’s voice shouting, “Fucking steam! Give me some more fucking steam, you monster!” Which was foll...
I just don't know when we all decided that if it doesn't fit in a Happy Meal box, it's not for kids. I remember flying monkeys in the Wizard of Oz, and I grew up watching Monty Python. I think that kids can handle a lot more than we give them credit ...
King Arthur: [after Arthur's cut off both of the Black Knight's arms] Look, you stupid bastard, you've got no arms left! Black Knight: Yes I have. King Arthur: Look! Black Knight: It's just a flesh wound.
French Soldier: You don't frighten us, English pig dogs. Go and boil your bottoms, you sons of a silly person. I blow my nose at you, so-called "Arthur King," you and all your silly English K-nig-hts.
Sir Lancelot: Look, my liege! [trumpets play a fanfare as the camera cuts briefly to the sight of a majestic castle] King Arthur: [in awe] Camelot! Sir Galahad: [in awe] Camelot! Sir Lancelot: [in awe] Camelot! Patsy: [derisively] It's only a model! ...
Dingo: You must spank her well, and after you are done with her, you may deal with her as you like... and then... spank me. All: And me. And me too. And me. Dingo: Yes. Yes, you must give us all a good spanking.
King Arthur: O Knights of Ni, you are just and fair, and we will return with a shrubbery. Leader of The Knights who say NI!: One that looks nice. King Arthur: Of course. Leader of The Knights who say NI!: And not too expensive. King Arthur: Yes.
1st soldier with a keen interest in birds: Who goes there? King Arthur: It is I, Arthur, Son of Uther Pendragon, from the castle of Camelot. King of the Britons, defeater of the Saxons, sovereign of all England. 1st soldier with a keen interest in bi...
This parrot is no more. It has ceased to be. It's expired and gone to meet its maker. This is a late parrot. It's a stiff. Bereft of life, it rests in peace. If you hadn't nailed it to the perch, it would be pushing up the daisies. It's rung down the...
Do any of them realize that Simon Wolfgard is falling in love with Meg Corbyn? Monty wondered. Does Wolfgard understand his own response to the girl? What about Meg? How does she feel? What would the rest of the Others do if one of their kind did fal...
I was always a fan of the old-style comics. I loved vaudeville. I loved Milton Berle, Dick Shawn, Phyllis Diller, Don Rickles, Charlie Callas, all those guys. Hilarious. I love the Bing Crosby and Bob Hope movies, and Abbott & Costello. My television...
King of Swamp Castle: We live in a bloody swamp. We need all the land we can get. Prince Herbert: But I don't like her. King of Swamp Castle: Don't like her? What's wrong with her? She's beautiful, she's rich, she's got huge... tracts of land.
King of Swamp Castle: You only killed the bride's father, you know. Sir Lancelot: Well, I didn't mean to. King of Swamp Castle: Didn't mean to? You put your sword right through his head. Sir Lancelot: Oh dear... is he all right?
