[Concorde has just been shot in the chest with an arrow bearing a message] Concorde: Message for you, sir.
Dingo: And after the spanking, the oral sex. Galahad: Well, I could stay a bit longer...
King Arthur: Who are you who can summon fire without flint or tinder? Tim: There are some who call me... Tim.
Sir Galahad: Is there someone else up there we can talk to? French Soldier: No, now go away or I shall taunt you a second time!
God: Every time I try to talk to someone it's "sorry this" and "forgive me that" and "I'm not worthy"...
Dennis: Oh, but you can't expect to wield supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you.
Sir Bedevere: Well, now, uh, Launcelot, Galahad, and I, wait until nightfall, and then leap out of the rabbit, taking the French by surprise - not only by surprise, but totally unarmed!
Dennis: Oh but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away.
Minstrel: [singing] He is packing it in and packing it up And sneaking away and buggering off And chickening out and pissing off home, Yes, bravely he is throwing in the sponge.
Sir Robin: Would it help to confuse it if we run away more? King Arthur: Oh shut up and go and change your armour.
Large Man with Dead Body: Who's that then? The Dead Collector: I dunno, must be a king. Large Man with Dead Body: Why? The Dead Collector: He hasn't got shit all over him.
Knight 1: We are now no longer the Knights who say Ni. Knight 2: NI. Other Knights: Shh... Knight 1: We are now the Knights who say..."Ekki-ekki-ekki-ekki-PTANG. Zoom-Boing, z'nourrwringmm."
Narrator: A year passed: winter changed into spring, spring changed into summer, summer changed back into winter, and winter gave spring and summer a miss and went straight on into autumn... until one day...
[after Bors is killed by the killer rabbit] Tim: I *warned* you, but did you listen to me? Oh, no, you *knew*, didn't you? Oh, it's just a harmless little *bunny*, isn't it?
Zoot: Welcome, brave sir Knight. Welcome to the Castle Anthrax. Sir Galahad: The Castle Anthrax? Zoot: Yes... it's not a very good name, is it? Oh, but we are nice, and we'll attend to your every need.
I have a weird sense of humour. My dad's the same. We love watching 'Monty Python' together.
But as a kid, I loved 'Monty Python.' My Dad was a devout watcher. We used to watch it when we ate dinner!
French Soldier: I don't want to talk to you no more, you empty-headed animal food trough wiper! I fart in your general direction! Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries!
Sir Bedevere: What makes you think she's a witch? Peasant 3: Well, she turned me into a newt! Sir Bedevere: A newt? Peasant 3: [meekly after a long pause] ... I got better. Crowd: [shouts] Burn her anyway!
Sir Bedevere: ...and that, my liege, is how we know the Earth to be banana-shaped. King Arthur: This new learning amazes me, Sir Bedevere. Explain again how sheep's bladders may be employed to prevent earthquakes.
God: Arthur, King of the Britons, your Knights of the Round Table shall have a task to make them an example in these dark times. King Arthur: Good idea, O Lord! God: 'Course it's a good idea!
