I love Blue Ribbon coffee, and she loves Red Ribbon coffee. I don’t love her, because how could I love someone who loves losers?
Love is like 17 cents minus 33,333.50 dollars. No wait, that's not love—that’s how much debt I owe for a worthless college degree.
He said he came in second place, so I assumed there were only two competitors. But you never know with love, there may have been a third party involved.
She was washing all the dishes by hand, so I bought her a machine. I bought her a lawnmower. That’s what you do when you’re in love.
You can’t buy love, it’s true. However, I am offering mine for rent. Buy one year and get the next six months at half price.
I’d drink from a hose, but I wouldn’t drink from a horse. I have other ways of showing I love you.
My car would look better with a mustache for a bumper. Then pedestrians would know that I am a superior lover, just before I hit on them.
I’ve been to a horse farm, a magical place where jockeys grow on trees. That’s where we made love for the first time like it was the second time.
Why donate to a sperm bank when you can deposit it directly in different women? When you love the world you try to seed it, like a porn farmer.
We spent the whole evening conversing like I was mute and she was deaf. I didn’t talk and she didn’t listen, and that’s what made me think we might be in love.
The thing we have in common is we both love to make love. Maybe one day we can merge our mutual interest and make love to each other.
I asked what year the car was that was sitting in the driveway, but what I meant was how long had it been parked there. If it’s been there since 1982, I’ve been in love longer than it is wide.
My albino elbow bends like a bow and arrow shoots shoots, roots, and bearded forest creatures. Love me now, before I remove my undergrowth.
Your unborn children cry in your testicles. I can hear them when you masturbate. Your mother loves me more than she loves you.
To a man, I love you means please keep feeding me. To a woman, it means she was talking to a new pair of shoes.
The Eiffel Tower doesn’t look like a penis. My penis looks like the Eiffel Tower. What’s not to love about a Love Stick shaped like the symbol of the City of Love?
Broccoli, it’s what’s for breakfast. This morning let us make love like we’re both still asleep. I’ll hit the snooze if you find the lube.
She asked if I was asleep, so I looked at her and said, “Yes, I am.” I’m the kind of lover who’d wear a unicycle to a tricycle convention for hitchhikers.
Love is like a tall tree standing next to a midget. Well, it was like that, before it just walked away, leaving the midget just standing there, looking taller than normal.
Love is the elephant we’re all trying to mouse down. Who am I to tell you that sex with furniture is not a “real” relationship?
Love is the most powerful force in the universe, and do you know where it gets its energy from? From a generator I have hooked up to a stationary bicycle.
