Paul Rivers: Did you know that eating alone could cause kidney damage? And that's BAD.
[after waking up in the emergency room] Paul Rivers: So this is death's waiting room.
Roxanne: Do you know why you can never step into the same river twice? Willard: Yeah, 'cause it's always moving.
Young Ed Bloom: She said that the biggest fish in the river gets that way by never being caught.
I mix my own lipsticks, so I don't really keep track of the brand as it's usually a number of them I've smushed together.
I've come to terms with the fact that if you're on TV, lots of people like you and lots of people hate you, and once you're OK with that, you apply it to everything.
My girlfriend and I rented a nice house on the river and I was there for about two and a half months, and we were just out of Alabama. I hardly got to see Alabama.
I was born in Oslo, Norway, but now live in the suburbs of Southwest London, right near the River Thames. It's a lovely part of the world.
When the law is wrong it's because it's unnatural, but in this case it is natural and a river will drown you if you buck it now
Sometimes, if you stand on the bottom rail of a bridge and lean over to watch the river slipping slowly away beneath you, you will suddenly know everything there is to be known.
Only when the last tree has died and the last river been poisoned and the last fish been caught will we realise we cannot eat money.
Don't tell me what you believe in. I'll observe how you behave and I will make my own determination.
When I finish as the host of 'Jeopardy!' I'm going to go up to Taft in central California. They have a small college there that teaches you about oil drilling.
You should never wear a baseball cap when working in close quarters in the attic: You never see that beam above you!
Do the unexpected. Take 20 minutes out of your day, do what young people all over the world are dying to do: vote.
And under our system, much like you see in the U.K., of course, a party working with another party can form a coalition and govern the country.
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.' So that was nice.
So I rang up my local swimming baths. I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?' He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'
So I said to the gym instructor: 'Can you teach me to do the splits?' He said: 'How flexible are you?' I said: I can't make Tuesdays.'
Comedy covers such a wide range of different styles that I'm not really qualified to talk on all of them any more than anyone else is.
As you get older you're told to be sensible, but it's important for writing if you're a comic that you're able to still access that childlike thing.
