Holly: Naturally I get taken home first. Well, obviously he prefers April. Of course I was so tongue-tied all night. I can't believe I said that about the Guggenheim,. My stupid rollerskating joke. I should never tell jokes. Mom can tell 'em and Hann...
[Vogel is holding Elsa hostage at gunpoint] Colonel Vogel: Throw down the gun or the girl will die. Professor Henry Jones: But she's one of them. Elsa: Indy, please! Professor Henry Jones: She's a Nazi. Indiana Jones: What? Professor Henry Jones: Tru...
Humphrey: So, just listen. Now, did I or did I not... do... vaginal... juices? Pupils: Mmm. Mmm. Yes, sir. Yes, sir. Humphrey: Name two ways of getting them flowing, Watson. Watson: R - rubbing the clitoris, sir? Humphrey: What's wrong with a kiss, b...
Billy Beane: It's hard not to be romantic about baseball. This kind of thing, it's fun for the fans. It sells tickets and hot dogs. Doesn't mean anything. Peter Brand: Billy, we just won twenty games in a row. Billy Beane: And what's the point? Peter...
El Paso Sheriff: Yea, well, none of that explains your man though. Ed Tom Bell: Uh-huh. El Paso Sheriff: He's just a goddamn homicidal lunatic, Ed Tom. Ed Tom Bell: I'm not sure he's a lunatic. El Paso Sheriff: Yea well what would you call him? Ed To...
Peter Gibbons: The thing is, Bob, it's not that I'm lazy, it's that I just don't care. Bob Porter: Don't... don't care? Peter Gibbons: It's a problem of motivation, all right? Now if I work my ass off and Initech ships a few extra units, I don't see ...
Foulfellow: [Picks up Pinocchio's schoolbook and apple, which he eats] Well, well. Quite the scholar, I see. Look, Giddy. A man of letters. Here's your book [hands book to Pinocchio] Pinocchio: I'm going to school. Foulfellow: School. Ah, yes. Then p...
American GI Cook: Up bright and early, General? Uh, breakfast? Patton: Am I to understand that my officers have already finished eating? American GI Cook: Uh, well, we're open from six to eight. Most of the men are just coming in now. [Indicates two ...
[Walter and Kitty are out at the Chinese Opera with Charlie and Dorothy Townsend] Charlie Townsend: Are you enjoying it? Kitty Fane: I've never seen anything like it. Charlie Townsend: Every gesture has a meaning. See how she covers her face with the...
Joe: So, you guys like to tell jokes, huh? Gigglin' and laughin' like a bunch of young broads sittin' in a schoolyard. Well, let me tell a joke. Five guys, sittin' in a bullpen, in San Quentin. All wondering how the fuck they got there. What should w...
Father Cavanaugh: [in church] Taking your appeal to a higher authority? Rudy: I'm desperate. If I don't get in next semester, it's over. Notre Dame doesn't accept senior transfers. Father Cavanaugh: Well, you've done a hell of a job kid, chasing down...
[the Mercury Seven walk through the space center after the response to Yuri Gagarin's space shot] John Glenn: I'm tired of being forthright, gracious and magnanimous. Gordon Cooper: Yeah. John Glenn: I'm tired of these stupid questions from the press...
[after learning of the Doomsday Machine] President Merkin Muffley: But this is absolute madness, Ambassador! Why should you *build* such a thing? Ambassador de Sadesky: There were those of us who fought against it, but in the end we could not keep up...
Cmdr. William Riker: We finished our first sensor sweep of the neutral zone. Captain Jean-Luc Picard: Oh, fascinating. Twenty particles of space dust per cubic meter, 52 ultraviolet radiation spikes, and a class-2 comet. Well, this is certainly worth...
James T. Kirk: Why is there a man in that torpedo? Khan: There are men and women in all those torpedoes, Captain. I put them there. James T. Kirk: Who the hell are you? Khan: A remnant of a time long past. Genetically engineered to be superior so as ...
The Emperor: [In the throne room, Luke is watching the Imperial fleet attack the Rebels from the huge throne room window] As you can see, my young apprentice, your friends have failed. Now witness the firepower of this fully ARMED and OPERATIONAL bat...
McCoy: [Kirk runs in to the engine room and sees Spock inside the reactor compartment. He rushes over but McCoy and Scotty hold him back] No! You'll flood the whole compartment! Kirk: He'll die! Scotty: Sir! He's dead already. McCoy: It's too late. [...
Randy: [Frank and Charlie have arrived unexpected at Frank's brother's house for Thanksgiving. Randy opens the door and the smile on his face disappears] Yes? Lt. Col. Frank Slade: Yes! Who is this? Randy: It's Randy. Lt. Col. Frank Slade: Randy? You...
Roger: Here's a joke, boy. One day this man walks out of his house to go to work. He sees this snail on his porch. So he picks it up and chucks it over his roof, into the back yard. Snail bounces off a rock, cracks its shell all to shit, and lands in...
Begbie: Picture the scene: The other fuckin' week there, down the fuckin' Volley with Tommy, playing pool. I'm playing like Paul-Fuckin'-Newman by the way. Givin' the boy here the tannin' of a lifetime. So it comes to the, down to the last shot, the ...
Immigration Officer: [to the Fat Lady] Have you brought any fruits or vegetables on the planet? Fat Lady: [with a big smile] Two weeks. Immigration Officer: Excuse me? Fat Lady: [ticcing with her mouth] Two weeks. Twooo weeeks! Wweeeoo... Richter: [w...
