I had a dream about you. We lived in an environmentally friendly future where nobody drove cars. Everybody rode roller coasters to wherever they needed to go. Well, everybody but midgets, who were kept in cages because they were too short to go anywh...
Blobfish, the guy who snapped a hamsters neck, myself, the homeless guy who has never thrown a punch (but has killed a fox) and Dickface, the man obsessed with trees and touching himself in public, follow an arrogant midget into the home of a pale cr...
I keep an outfit of my baby clothes on a hanger in my closet. It hangs there like a heretical, anorexic midget. I do this to increase my chances of getting laid (wet baloney is the key to better love making).
Cody: [to Big Daddy] Let me out now? I gave you all them names and addresses. Hey, I won't say nothing to nobody. You and your crazy midget friend can go bash whoever you want. Hey, come on. Hey, I know some very bad people up town. Really nasty indi...
I snorted powdered flamingoes while I pondered love. I sat at the bar two hours waiting for my ice on the rocks to melt so I could drink it and leave, but it was like my ex wife’s heart—it was just too frigid to melt. So I called up a midget, buc...
Half an hour later, each of them had been given a complicated circular chart, and was attempting to fill in the position of the planets at their moment of birth. It was dull work, requiring much consultation of timetables and calculation of angles. �...
I had a dream about you. You tried to stretch the truth like a midget on the rack, and I was looking to buy clothes off the discount rack. The truth had left me naked, exposed, and feeling cheap, while you were wearing a bright lie as casually as a n...
Don't creationists ever wonder about the fact that the paleontologists found ape-like skulls with the 'human leg and foot bones,' rather than the other way around, i.e., human skulls with 'ape leg and foot bones?' . . . Come on, creationists, think a...
Roger: [over the radio while driving trucks] Hey, too tall, too slow, two, come back! Peter: You look my size when you're sitting in a truck. Roger: What I want to know is how we got to be in the same force with you being so large and all? Peter: Wel...
Expect nothing. Live frugally On surprise. become a stranger To need of pity Or, if compassion be freely Given out Take only enough Stop short of urge to plead Then purge away the need. Wish for nothing larger Than your own small heart Or greater tha...
Unrequited love," I'd say. He'd look at me sideways in that cunning way he did and say, "what about it?" and I'd reply, "it's not your color." Pithy. Just to show him that I'd noticed. Or maybe I'd show myself to her and say, "Guess I'm not the only ...
I had such plans for this evening. The pursuit of blind drunkenness and wayward women was my goal. But alas, it was not to be. No sooner had I consumed my third drink in the Devil than I was accosted by a delightful small flower selling child who ask...
This particular event had been somewhat more raucous than usual as Derek Jameson had just lost an arm wrestle with Ann Diamond. The match was the second semi-final of the morning after Belinda Carlisle had been pipped at the post by Rusty Lee. Carlis...
I've got two neptunes here," said Harry after a while, frowning down at his piece of parchment, "that can't be right, can it?" "Aaaaah," said Ron, imitating Professor Trelawney's mystical whisper, "when two neptunes appear in the sky, it is a sure si...
Jem grinned. “Where have you been? The Blue Dragon? The Mermaid?” “The Devil Tavern if you must know.” Will sighed and leaned against one of the posts of the bed. “I had such plans for the evening. The pursuit of blind drunkenness and waywa...
Within five minutes of leaving the reunion, I'd undone the double wrapping and eaten all six rugelach, each a snail of sugar-dusted pastry dough, the cinnamon-lined chambers microscopically studded with midget raisins and chopped walnuts. By rapidly ...
Col. Hans Landa: [to Aldo] So you're "Aldo the Apache". Lt. Aldo Raine: So you're "the Jew Hunter". Col. Hans Landa: A detective. A damn good dectective. Finding people is my specialty so naturally I work for the Nazis finding people, and yes some of...
[deleted scene] Oberon: I asked Marlene for a raise the other day. You know what she said. She said I should be grateful I ain't back at the circus, getting out of a car with ten other midgets. Ray Charles: That's Marlene. Oberon: Bitch knew just how...
Chloë: There's never been a classic movie made in Bruges until now. Ray: Of course there hasn't. It's a shithole. Chloë: Bruges is my home town, Ray. Ray: Well, it's still a shithole. Chloë: It's not a shithole! Ray: What? Even midgets have to tak...