I love Ocala. I also love anal sex with midgets. I mean I would, if I were an averagely perverted politician.
Love is me plus you. But what’s with the midget in the corner recording all of our interactions? I thought I fired him yesterday.
I love with the heart of two men. Well, I would, if that damned neurosurgeon would go ahead and replace my left brain with the heart of a midget.
I got a small package in the mail today, and I thought it was the midget stripper I bought off eBay. But it was just a pair of shoes I ordered. Didn’t matter, I still made them dance for me.
We want to convey that the modern-day GOP looks like the conservative party that stands on principles. But we want to apply them to urban-suburban hip-hop settings. We need to uptick our image with everyone, including one-armed midgets.
People were fed up with reality shows about midgets getting married and weird Jerry Springer talk shows. There had been a real dry spell of intelligent family-oriented viewing: the type of program that Mom, Dad and the kids can all watch together. Wi...
The house I grew up in is one of a kind. It’s a bibliophile’s fantasy, and if the Library of Congress had a little brother who was a midget, you could find him residing in my parents’ house.
I am one pair of roses away from the grave,” I told the midget with the twelve-inch erection. It wasn’t his—he was just holding it for a friend (that impressive penis belonged to a much taller man). Ah, but that’s life, no?
I had a dream about you. I was a small business owner, and you were also a small business owner. The difference was I was a sole proprietor, and you were a midget.
I had a dream about you. We laughed, and laughed, and laughed, like little kids, only we weren’t kids, we were just little. I think the technical term is midgets.
Johnny Kickstand bullied me in middle school. Today, Kickstand stands 4’7” tall. Well, he would stand that tall if he weren’t in a wheelchair. So he’s a cripple and a midget, but he still whooped my ass last Tuesday. Bastard.
I had a dream about you. You were 1882, and I was 1982. You said you were older, and I replied that I was taller. Still, for being a midget, you were pretty good at basketball.
[Holmes picks up a gadget from the midget's workshop and it turns out to be a taser, that sends Dredger flying across the room, crushing another thug who has Watson pinned] Dr. John Watson: Holmes? What is that? Sherlock Holmes: Je ne sais pas.
Education will only take you so far. To go even further, I’d recommend getting a piggyback ride from a midget half your body weight.
I've got a theory, it could be bunnies... I've got a theor- Bunnies aren't just cute like everybody supposes They've got them hoppy legs and twitchy little noses. And what's with all the carrots-? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway? Bunn...
There's a Drunk Midget in My House Ah, babies! They're more than just adorable little creatures on whom you can blame your farts. Like most people who have had one baby, I am an expert on everythiing and will tell you, unsolicited, how to raise your ...
I had a dream about you. You told me you liked roller coasters, so I introduced you to a midget who wasn’t tall enough to ride them, so you could feel the shame of living a life of such privilege.
Jacksonville hosts the “World’s Largest Outdoor Cocktail Party” every year when the football teams of the Florida Gators play the Georgia Bulldogs. Conversely, the “World’s Smallest Indoor Cocktail Party” takes place in an Alaskan igloo w...
When Jed comes in and gives you that look where his forehead wrinkles up and his chin drops so low that his baggy eyes can't even look you square in your eyes, well, I guess you realize that it must be your turn to get out into the winter snow and ro...
I had a dream about you. You were a street vendor selling sidewalks, and I was a roadside bicycle salesman selling two-wheeled dreams to pedestrians. You thought I was hurting your business, and I thought you were a midget. Turns out we were both rig...
I had a dream about you. I was passing out business cards the size of billboards, and you had a mouth as wide as a sperm whale, though your conversational range was as narrow as a midget’s urethra. Your Word of Mouth Value was as powerful as a limp...
