What's cool about Twitter is that you can make a joke about something very of-the-moment or random that I wouldn't be able to joke about in stand-up.
I think the idea that women can stand up and be strong and still be seen as beautiful and sexual is kind of cool, and I would like to see more of that.
If you're sad about what you see in the mirror when you wake up every morning, you must change it.
But, what did happen is I went to Woodstock as a member of the audience. I did not show up there with a road manager and a couple of guitars. I showed up with a change of clothes and a toothbrush.
At home, growing up, we weren't really poor. We had everything we needed, we just didn't have what we wanted.
I was very independent growing up, but there were things that were bothering me that I never told anybody. I would talk to our animals at home.
I'm pretty shy when I go home because I was pretty shy growing up, and I think I go back to that person.
Your home should be your home. People shouldn't be allowed to use whatever crazy lenses they use to catch you waking up in the morning.
If you want to become a fossil, you need to die somewhere where your bones will be rapidly buried. You then hope that the Earth moves in such a way as to bring the bones back up to the surface.
My father was an electrical engineer who worked at Westinghouse in Pittsburgh. When I was growing up, my mother wrote humor columns for the local paper. She was the Erma Bombeck of Murrysville, Pa.
The thing about black history is that the truth is so much more complex than anything you could make up.
I am, in fact, Superman. Every morning I wake up and go into a telephone booth and change my costume, and then go to work.
I had to learn how to chop wood actually - I don't think my dad would have let me go chop wood in the backyard growing up.
Nowadays, if you have a mustache, people look at you like you're crazy. But when I was growing up, I never saw my dad without a mustache.
I missed my dad a lot growing up, even though we were together as a family. My dad was really a workaholic. And he was always working.
I was brought up by very witty people who were dealing with quite difficult things: disease and death... I was brought up by people who tended to giggle at funerals.
People on death row, the treatment of animals, women's right to choose. So much in America is based on religious fundamentalist Christianity. Grow up! This is the modern world!
I think that when something happens when you're growing up, like a death or divorce, it does open the world slightly because things aren't as straightforward.
I always think that good writers should be growing up on the brink of death - it really lets them see mortality very clearly.
Making changes in the fast food that makes up such a significant part of the American diet, even if the numbers aren't impressive, will have important health up sides.
If you've got a big gut and you start doing sit-ups, you are going to get bigger because you build up the muscle. You've got to get rid of that fat! How do you get rid of fat? By changing your diet.
