He Zhiwu, Cop 223: Any canned pineapple that expires on May 1? Cashier: You know what day it is today? He Zhiwu, Cop 223: April 30? Cashier: Right. You think we sell outdated stock? He Zhiwu, Cop 223: There's still two hours to go. Cashier: Nobody wo...
Reggie Lampert: Not until you proof to me that you're really Brian Crookshank. Brian Crookshank: All right, one day next week I'll put it on a marriage license. How about that...? Reggie Lampert: [interrupting] Quit stalling. I want some identificati...
Hamilton Bartholomew: Stop, Mrs. Lampert, or I'll kill you! Adam Canfield: It won't get you the stamps, Dyle. You'll still have to come out, and I'm not likely to miss at this range. Hamilton Bartholomew: Maybe not, but it takes a lot of bullets to k...
J. Edgar Hoover: I have to wonder if you people realize the level of responsibility you carry. From my way of thinking, Motion Pictures are potentially the most influential form of communication ever invented. And there's no control over it. Your mes...
Randal Graves: All right, look, there's only one "Return," okay, and it ain't "of the King," it's "of the Jedi." Hobbit Lover: Oh, Star Wars geek. Randal Graves: Oh, I'm the geek? Look at you two whipping out your preciouses. Elias: You'll have to ex...
Randal Graves: Before he was the Mad Ducats guy, he was just Pickle Fucker. You see, freshman year, the seniors would hunt us down and put us through what they called "initiations." They'd stuff us into lockers or throw us in the girl's shower room n...
Randal Graves: Man, you must love this fucking guy, 'cause he's the biggest pussy I ever met, the dude who lives his life according to everyone else's standards. "I have to go down to Florida and get married because that what's expected of me." And t...
[on his past relationship with Caitlin] Dante Hicks: She was supposed to meet Brad Michaelson in a dark bedroom. She picked the wrong one. She didn't even know I was at the party. Randal Graves: Oh, my God. Dante Hicks: Great story, huh? Randal Grave...
Caitlin Bree: Can I use your bathroom? Randal Graves: Sure. But there's no lights back there. Caitlin Bree: Why aren't there any lights? Randal Graves: Well, there are, but for some reason they stop working at 5:14 every night. Caitlin Bree: You're k...
Sanford: Hey, Dante, I'm gonna grab a Gatorade, alright? Dante Hicks: If you grab a Gatorade, then everybody's gonna grab one. Sanford: So? Dante Hicks: So, who's gonna pay for these Gatorades? Sanford: What do you care, you shoe polish-smelling moth...
Vincent: Okay, look, here's the deal. Man, you were gonna drive me around tonight, never be the wiser, but El Gordo got in front of a window, did his high dive, we're into Plan B. Still breathing? Now we gotta make the best of it, improvise, adapt to...
[Max is on the radio dispatch with his boss, Lenny] Max: Yeah, Lenny, what's up? It's me. Lenny: Just got off the phone with the cops. Desk sergeant called to check if you brought the cab in? Max: Yeah, so? Lenny: So, aside from I hate talking to cop...
Father Leary: Things you hear in confession these days. It's depressing. Father James Lavelle: You have to detach yourself from it. We're here to provide solace. Your personal feelings don't come into it. Father Leary: I know that. What do you take m...
Father James Lavelle: I've always felt there's something inherently psychopathic about joining the army in peacetime. As far as I'm concerned, people join the army to find out what its like to kill someone. I hardly think that's an inclination that s...
Lee Samson: Twentieth century games are really nice. Games nowadays are getting boring. I'm more into old school games like this one. Back then, games like these were enough for everyone. It's the same with hackers. It was better when there were few....
Harvey 'Big Daddy' Pollitt: Why did you and Brick suddenly decide to drive up from New Orleans? Margaret "Maggie" Pollitt: For your birthday, what else? Harvey 'Big Daddy' Pollitt: I had a birthday last year and the year before that. Didn't see you t...
Rick: Fuck! Why do these guys have to be black? I mean, why? No matter how we spin this thing, I'm either gonna lose the black vote or I'm gonna lose the law and order vote! Karen: You know, I think you're worrying too much. You have a lot of support...
Motorcycle Cop: Calm down, ma'am. Kim Lee: I am calm. Motorcycle Cop: I need to see your registration and insurance. Kim Lee: Why? Not my fault! It's her fault! She do this! Ria: [approaching] My fault? Motorcycle Cop: Ma'am, you really need to wait ...
Officer Ryan: You know, you don't like me, that's fine, I'm a prick, my father doesn't deserve to suffer like this, he was a janitor, struggled his whole life, saved enough to start his own company, twenty three employees, all of them black, paid the...
Ilsa: Play it once, Sam. For old times' sake. Sam: [lying] I don't know what you mean, Miss Ilsa. Ilsa: Play it, Sam. Play "As Time Goes By." Sam: [lying] Oh, I can't remember it, Miss Ilsa. I'm a little rusty on it. Ilsa: I'll hum it for you. Da-dy-...
High Roller: Ginger, honey, this is for you, love. Thanks for your time. [tries to give her a small handful of chips] Ginger: Come on. High Roller: What's the matter? Ginger: What do you mean "what's the matter"? I made a lot of money for you. I want...
