Many people who are in reality dead are walking in the streets; many who are in their graves are in reality alive.
Voting for the lesser of two evils is still voting for evil. Next time, why don’t you go all out and write in Lucifer on the ballot?
It’s hard to wear a Speedo and pose with an erection. Still, I’ve got to try, every Saturday from 9 am to 8:59 pm.
If I ever get a 20-dollar bill, I like to convert it into 20 singles, because women like guys with lots of money.
My ex girlfriend and I go long periods of time without speaking to each other. And in between those extended stretches, we fill the time with silence.
Of all the things I own, I’m most sentimental about my shoes, because they’ve traveled with me every step of my journey.
I always wear gloves, so at any moment I could commit a crime and not be worried about fingerprints. Plus, it saves on buying hand sanitizer.
Wisdom is knowledge plus courage. You not only have to know what to do and when—but you have to be brave enough to actually act on it.
My grandmother got approved right before the law changed, so naturally she got grandfathered in. In related news, but completely unrelated, I was adopted.
Inviting the invading army over for dinner, buffet style, is a bad idea. Especially when I just took a bath in the last of your mac and cheese.
I cried during my wedding, but my wife did not. That’s natural, because I was losing my freedom, and she was gaining a slave.
Politicians, it’s like they’re competing to be the most incompetent. Well, guess what? They’re all winners to me. And by winners I mean losers.
I toss and turn so much in my sleep that the very act of sleeping must be exhausting for me. Sleeping makes me want to sleep even more.
Government could avoid having opinions about so many things if it would quit subsidizing so many things.
...American psychology effectively guaranteed its place as a cultural icon by helping to create the pathologies it simultaneously promised to treat. (p. 37)
I keep in too many of the words I need to let out. And then I let out too many of the words I need to keep in.
Kesan pertama selalu manis – seperti sekeranjang aprikot segar berpadu dengan vanili dan gulali. Meskipun sudah diteguk habis, rasanya tersisa untuk waktu yang sangat lama, baik pahit maupun manis. Bagi saya, cinta yang sesungguhnya seperti itu.
An understanding washed over Darren. You plan on me running.” “For many, many years.” The crooked smile on Trent’s mouth sent a shiver throughout my body. He was utterly dangerous when he wanted to be.
Women need to assert their rights in the bedroom too - many women have done so in the workplace; many women have done so in house chores and parenting, but women's rights are sorely lacking in the bedroom.
In 35 years of being in the media, I've had all this mud flung at me many, many times. It's not the first time. It's nothing unusual. I've been through it all before and the best way to deal with it is not to read them.
There are so many difficult things we're living through in the world today, so many horrible events, but we cannot let them stop us. No matter what happens, I feel you must move forward with optimism and not get totally sideswiped.
