What happened next… well, I'm going to blame it on the fact that I was scared. And I had just flown or fallen or something through about eighty years worth of Time. Or maybe it was the beans. I farted. I farted loud enough that it echoed around the...
Suddenly, a car zoomed out of a side street to their right, slamming into the side of the car with a loud metallic crash. Tires screeched. The passenger window shattered, showering glass over Pam as the other car’s momentum pushed them towards the ...
Every night before I go to sleep I say out loud three things that I am grateful for, all the significant, insignificant, extraordinary, ordinary stuff of my life. It is s small practice and humble, and yet, I find I sleep better holding what lightens...
Thinking, not for the first time, that life should come with a trapdoor. Just a little exit hatch you could disappear through when you´d utterly and completely mortified yourself. Or when you had spontaneous zit eruptions. “Good book?” he asked,...
His red eyes swung in my direction. Without a second glance, he released the dead man's body. It hit the ground with a loud thump, but I couldn't bring myself to look at him. He was already dead, but even if he wasn't, there wasn't a thing in this wo...
Teenage guys are not supposed to be concerned like this. They are supposed to tell fart jokes, and comment on girls' boobs, and not really pay attention when something is bothering a friend. It's really, really difficult when they convince you they c...
...Whenever someone says to me, 'Jerry Lewis says women aren't funny,' or 'Christopher Hitchens says women aren't funny,' or 'Rick Fenderman says women aren't funny... Do you have anything to say to that?' Yes. We don't fucking care if you like it. I...
But playing your music as loud as you want and coming home drunk aren't real life. Real life, it turns out, is diapers and lawnmowers, decks that need painting, a wife that needs to be listened to, kids that need to be taught right from wrong, a chec...
People will be jealous of you for anything. Do bad and they will be jealous of you for being bad, do good and they will be jealous of you for being good, pull yourself up out of the ashes and they will be jealous of your strength, work hard and succe...
Your trouble has been what old poets call Daungier. We call it Pride. You are offended by the masculine itself: the loud, irruptive, possessive thing-the gold lion, the bearded bull—which breaks through hedges and scatters the little kingdom of you...
Fiction is one of the few experiences where loneliness can be both confronted and relieved. Drugs, movies where stuff blows up, loud parties -- all these chase away loneliness by making me forget my name's Dave and I live in a one-by-one box of bone ...
Dance, dance for me Dance with the stars Laugh, laugh for me Wherever you are Sing, sing out loud Like angels do Remember me The way I'll remember you Love, love for me With all your soul Cry, cry for me As I grow old See, see me from the edge of Hea...
Nearly everyone has had a box of secret pain, shared with no one. Will [Hamilton] had concealed his well, laughed loud, exploited perverse virtues, and never let his jealousy go wandering [...] He was always on the edge, trying to hold on to the rim ...
A slut is someone, usually a woman, who’s stepped outside of the very narrow lane that good girls are supposed to stay within. Sluts are loud. We’re messy. We don’t behave. In fact, the original definition of “slut” meant “untidy woman.�...
Wallace: Oh, Gromit. We've created a monster. Hutch is the beast. The lunar panels! They must've ovestimulated his primitive bunny nature. And now when the moon is out, he undergoes a hideous transformation. [Suddenly Hutch starts twitching and growl...
Kaffee: Whoa. Hold it. We gotta take a boat? Barnes: Yes, sir. To get to the other side of the bay. Kaffee: Nobody said anything about a boat. Barnes: Is there a problem, sir? Kaffee: No, no problem. I'm just not that crazy about boats, that's all. G...
[singing at Andrew's mother's funeral] Aunt Sylvia Largeman: Thanks for the time that you've given me. The memories are all in my mind. And now that we've come to the end of our rainbow, there's something I must say out loud. Yes, you're once, twice,...
Bert Gordon: You're here on a rain check and I know it. You're hangin' on by your nails. You let that glory whistle blow loud and clear for Eddie and you're a wreck on a railroad track... you're a horse that finished last. So don't make trouble, Miss...
Marcus Luttrell: [narrating] There's a storm inside of us. I've heard many team guys speak of this. A burning. A river. A drive. An unrelenting desire to push yourself harder and further than anyone could think possible. Pushing ourselves into those ...
Hiss: [Prince John is sucking his thumb] Sire, if you don't mind my saying, you see you have a very loud thumb. [starts to hypnotize him] Hiss: Hypnosisss can cure you of your psychosis so easy. Prince John: [Snaps out of it and screams] No, no! None...
Look at you. You're young. You're scared. Why are you so scared? Stop being paralyzed. Stop swallowing your words. Stop caring what other people think. Wear what you want. Say what you want. Listen to the music you want to listen to. Play it loud as ...
