Quotes of: Long-gone Keyword

I cut holes in all my shirts under my armpits. Not only is it easier to apply deodorant, but chicks dig it.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I miss the smell of clown in the morning. I need to be a volunteer on another political campaign.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

If instead of horns, unicorns had dildos on their heads, I’ll bet more politicians would try to find them.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

SETI scans the stars searching for extraterrestrial intelligence, which pretty much rules out them ever finding an alien politician.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

When nobody knows who you are, you have no power. But when nobody knows who you are, you have no weakness.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Relationships are like water. Sometimes they’re frozen, and sometimes you don’t have the foggiest clue where you stand.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Not only was she not around, but I wasn’t around myself. Unless I’m surrounded by my clones, I’m never around myself.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Once she told me her secret, it ceased to be a secret. Therefore, I was free to tell the world.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Bah, Alzheimer’s. The reason my grandma can’t remember anything is because she’s always thinking about dick.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

She had sexy legs. They were attached to her torso. Or maybe those were her arms.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I am becoming morbidly obese as we speak. So what’s the solution? To stop talking.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I heard Africa was having a drought, so I mailed them a bucket of tears. Hope that helps, fellas.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I like hunting trees, because they don’t run away. I call it hunting, but others might call it farming.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Rather than die for your country, how about being willing to live for it? You can start by waking up.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

Chicks dig winners. That’s why I create my own awards for me to win.


Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

I quartered a new word the other day. I didn’t just coin it, I flipped it and called in the air.

Whenever You're Gone, I'm Here For You

With age, gone are the forevers of youth. Gone is the willingness to procrastinate, delay, to play the waiting game. Now each day is a treasure beyond compare . . . because there are so few such diadems left.

Joe L. Wheeler

In my lifetime, we've gone from Eisenhower to George W. Bush. We've gone from John F. Kennedy to Al Gore. If this is evolution, I believe that in twelve years, we'll be voting for plants.

Lewis Black

I think it's bad for fellas when they lose their mothers. Mine was such a character. Oh it was sad, really sad. And, with her gone, the family home was gone, so what was left of any roots I had were completely dug up.

Paul O'Grady

My dad, in particular, was adamant that I should finish my education. He encouraged me to go to Oxford, for instance, and I rather doubt I'd have gone if he hadn't. I would have gone straight back to L.A. and tried to start my career.

Alice Eve

I didn't do anything for two years but work on 'Gone Baby Gone,' and it was miserable and hard, but at the end? It is a good movie. I liked it very much. If it had been dismissed and deemed worthless, it would been definitely devastating. But that di...

Ben Affleck