[Yakavetta wants to call in Il Duce] Augustus DiStephano: Your father and I used him three times in twenty years, only when things got totally fucked. Whenever we needed one of our own bumped off, we called this guy in. He had a thing for clipping wi...
We're constantly judging and grading other parents, just to make sure that they aren't any better than us. I'm as guilty as anyone. I see some lady hand her kid a Nintendo DS at the supermarket and I instantly downgrade that lady to Shitty Parent sta...
State Police Capt. Dave Kern: Why didn't you leave the kid alone in the first place? Teasle: Dammit, Dave, you think this kid just waltzed into town, announced he was a Medal Of Honor winner, and then I just leaned on him for the hell of it? I tried ...
So while I drove my little and planned his fantasy night of how I was going to give Otter the key to my soul (his words, not mine), I silently panicked and wrote lines of bad poetry. Normally, I am quite adept at writing poems and lyrics to songs I'l...
It was the American middle class. No one's house cost more than two or three year's salary, and I doubt the spread in annual wages (except for the osteopath) exceeded more than five thousand dollars. And other than the doctor (who made house calls), ...
For while they'd stayed close during the absurd years of his sharp rise, having children had knocked it all into a different arrangement. The minute you had children you closed ranks. You didn't plan this in advance, but it happened. Families were li...
I met this boy here who I knew as a kid and his mum left him with a pedophile for two weeks when he was eight years old and I'm presuming you know everything there is to know about Jonah's father, and that my father is dead, and my mother hasn't been...
WAIT, WAIT! JUST one more!” “Bliss, there are children waiting.” And they probably hated us, but I was just so glad to see her smiling that I didn’t care. “Yeah, well, they all just jumped on the bandwagon. Most of them weren’t alive when...
She blew a stream of smoke up at the empty clotheslines. 'These silly dreams you have when you're young. I mean, what, Katie and Brendan Harris were going ot make a life in Las Vegas? How long would that little Eden have lasted? Maybe they'd be on th...
You make someone into a object of – not so much of pity as of weakness, sickness, stupidity, inefectiveness, do you see what I mean? You hit them for their stupidity and their inability to respond, and when you’ve hurt them, marked them, they’r...
There is something about Christmas that requires a rug rat. Little kids make Christmas fun. I wonder if could rent one for the holidays. When I was tiny we would by a real tree and stay up late drinking hot chocolate and finding just the right place ...
My short-term factual memory can be like water; events are a brief disturbance on the surface and then it closes back up again, as if nothing ever touched it. But it’s a strange fact that my long-term memory remains strong, perhaps because it recor...
Almost every time I speak to teenagers, particularly young female students who want to talk to me about feminism, I find myself staggered by how much they have read, how creatively they think and how curiously bullshit-resistant they are. Because of ...
We're so self-important. So arrogant. Everybody's going to save something now. Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save the snails. And the supreme arrogance? Save the planet! Are these people kidding? Save the planet? We don't even know ...
Dean: [long silence before Dean speaks] You know, it's not just us, we got a little girl we gotta think about. [breaks into tears] Cindy: I know... I... I can't do this anymore. Dean: You're just thinking about yourself. What about Frankie? You want ...
Harvey Milk: Hey, I like the way your pants fit... Where are you from, kid? Cleve Jones: [laughs] Sorry old man, not interested. Harvey Milk: I'm Harvey Milk. I'm running for Supervisor. What's your name? Cleve Jones: Cleve... Jones. Harvey Milk: Wel...
Young Chas Tenenbaum: [about Margot's play] Well, what'd you think, Dad? Royal: Didn't seem believable to me. [to Eli] Royal: Why are you wearing pajamas? Do you live here? Young Richie Tenenbaum: He has permission to sleep over. Young Chas Tenenbaum...
Caden Cotard: I wanted to ask you, how old are kids when they start to write? Madeleine Gravis: Listen, there's an absolutely brilliant novel written by a four year old. Caden Cotard: Really? Madeleine Gravis: 'Little Winky" by Horace Azpiazu. Caden ...
Owning less is better than organizing more.
Dating a wo/man with a kid is the new adoption.
Is that Disney magic of pixie magic?" I kid... "It is life magic".
