We are all a little weird. And we like to think that there is always someone weirder. I mean, I am sure some of you are looking at me and thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird as you,” and I am thinking, “Well, at least I am not as weird ...
You don't need the iPhone: you have the most exquisite apparatus in the known universe sitting right in your head - the most complex organization of matter in the entire universe. And here are we, feeling a little depressed, feeling like we're not ge...
Rollo: So what's the prognosis, Fertile Myrtle? Minus or plus? Juno MacGuff: I don't know. It's not seasoned yet. [grabs products] Juno MacGuff: I'll take some of these. Nope... There it is. The little pink plus sign is so unholy. [shakes pregnancy t...
Leah: All right, how about this one? 'Healthy, educated couple seeking infant to join our family of five. You will be compensated. Help us complete the circle of love.' Juno MacGuff: Yeesh, they sound like a cult, is what the sound like! And besides ...
I'm very in tune to my body and know that I want to eat everything but know I can't. That's when I end up being in the sauna a little bit more than usual, but for the most part, I just train hard every day with a trainer in the gym. I do Bikram yoga,...
I've got all my old laptops going back to my first, which was so fancy at the time, in '93 or '94, but now it's just like a doorstop. One day I said, 'I'll go in and get all my old documents in there.' The cords and the wires are all gone, the discet...
I know exactly what I want to buy and I spend very little time, maybe 15 hours a year, buying stuff. I'll go in and out of Dunhill in 45 minutes and pick out a few suits. Boom. And I'm gone. I get my shirts at Charvet. I go in there - woosh - and buy...
Frank Abagnale Sr.: Two little mice fell in a bucket of cream. The first mouse quickly gave up and drowned. The second mouse, wouldn't quit. He struggled so hard that eventually he churned that cream into butter and crawled out. Gentlemen, as of this...
Jim Braddock: You drove all the way out here to talk about the weather? Joe Gould: Maybe I was in the neighborhood! Did you ever think of that? A little fresh air! Jim Braddock: Hey Joe, this is Jersey. Joe Gould: Good point... yeah [chuckles] Joe Go...
Santa Claus: Come on up on Santa's lap, here's a wet one. And what's your name little boy? And what do you want for Christmas, Billy? A toy truck? Get him off my lap and get my a towel. [Billy is pushed down the slide] Santa Claus: Oh, I hate the sme...
Clark: [Clark is about to cut the rope holding the branches of his huge Christmas tree] I give you the Griswold family Christmas tree. [He cuts the rope, and the branches fly out, breaking windows and surrounding Clark] Clark: Lotta sap in here! Mmmm...
Gru: Hello, Fred. FYI. Your dog has been leaving little bombs in my yard, and I do not appreciate it. Fred McDade: Oh you know dogs... they go where they want to go. Gru: Unless they're dead. [laughs] Gru: I'm joking! Although it is true. Anyway, hav...
Narrator: You know what, I really think it's time you got out of here. Marla Singer: Oh don't worry, I'm leaving. Narrator: Not that we don't enjoy your little visits... Marla Singer: You know you are such a nutcase, I can't even begin to keep up!
Forrest Gump: One day it started raining, and it didn't quit for four months. We been through every kind of rain there is. Little bitty stingin' rain... and big ol' fat rain. Rain that flew in sideways. And sometimes rain even seemed to come straight...
Jack Lucas: I'm talking to the little people! Parry: Are they here? Jack Lucas: They're saying, "Jack, go to the liquor store and findeth the Jack of Daniels so that ye may be shitfaced, doo-lang, doo-LANG!" Parry: Are they really saying that? Jack L...
Chet Duncan: You know, Bryce... once's character is set at an early age. I'd hate to see you swim out so far you can't swim back. Bryce Loski: Sir? Chet Duncan: It's about honesty, son. Sometimes a little discomfort in the beginning... can save a who...
Chet Duncan: You know, Bryce... one's character is set at an early age. I'd hate to see you swim out so far you can't swim back. Bryce Loski: Sir? Chet Duncan: It's about honesty, son. Sometimes a little discomfort in the beginning... can save a whol...
Dory: [sees a very small baby jellyfish] I shall call him Squishy and he shall be mine and he shall be my Squishy Come on, Squishy Come on, little Squishy... [makes baby talk and slowly touches the jellyfish, getting shocked] Dory: [pulling her fin a...
Raoul Duke: I wouldn't dare go to sleep with you wandering around with a head full of acid, wanting to slice me up with that goddamn knife. Dr. Gonzo: Who said anything about slicing you up, man? I just wanted to carve a little Z on your forehead.
Carol Connelly: How are you? Simon Bishop: Don't ask. I'm tired of my own complaints. I need to get some new thoughts. Carol Connelly: Why? What are you thinking about now? Simon Bishop: How to die, mostly. Carol Connelly: To think that in our little...
Dobby the House Elf: [in kitchen, Grimmauld Place] And then Dobby saw Kreacher talking to the thief Mundungus... Mundungus Fletcher: [interrupting] I'm not a thief! You foul little... git! I'm a buyer and purveyor of wondrous objects. Ron Weasley: Yo...
