A brick could be used as a sex toy. Well, I say sex toy, but the politician strapped to the bed would probably say torture device.
A brick could be used to prop up a wobbly table—or an unstable relationship. I wish I’d have thought of that before I got divorced.
A blanket could be used to make all your dreams come true. Well, not all of them. Just the ones that are happening while you are sleeping.
A blanket could be used to cover up Jude McNude. But despite his last name, he isn’t nude, merely cold. No, I’m the naked one.
A blanket could be used as a makeshift trampoline, to attract midgets to your picnic. The great thing about dining with dwarves, is since they are little people, they eat very little.
People love to love, but I love to sleep, and that is why cats are closer to God than bricks are to blankets. –Cap’n Kintz
A brick could be used to stop people from reading my book. Just place the brick on the book’s cover, to discourage people from opening it up.
A blanket could be used to distribute ice cream to dyslexics. Blankets are cold and ice cream needs to be kept warm, right?
A brick could be used to flavor your bathtub water, and raise the fluid level, so you perceive that you have more to drink.
A brick could be used as another brick, as they all look the same. So yes, I am for human cloning as a means to build the future.
A blanket could be used to aid a sinner’s nightly prayer. I’m not shaking because I’m cold—I’m trembling with trepidation over the Wrath of God.
A brick could be used to win the love of a beautiful girl. The trick to getting it to work is just trying it again and again until you get the desired results.
A brick could be used to encourage trees to grow fruitful things like money. If money grew on trees, then I’d get drunk on that fermentation.
A haunted house could be used like a Band-Aid to stop a bleeding brick. But why stop the bleeding? Stab it a few more times and then sell tickets to the spectacle.
Baseball really is a glorified game of throw and catch. And if you don’t have guys who throw it really well, you can’t compete for long.
Standardized state tests are a scam! The educational system is rigged. It is set up to where the wealthy schools, get all of the state funding. The poverty-stricken schools, don't get enough funding due to standardized tests scores. See my point?
Franklin Roosevelt said the test of our progress is not whether we add more to the abundance to those who have much; it is whether we provide enough to those who have too little. This reconciliation package fails that test as well.
An idea can be tested, whereas if you have no idea, nothing can be tested and you don't understand anything. The molecule that you make when you are getting sunburned or when you eat a lot of food is part of the same molecule that contains an endorph...
Can you design a Rorschach test that's going to make everyone feel something every time - and that looks like a Rorschach test? It's easy to show a picture of a kitten or a car accident. The question is, how abstract can you get and still get the aud...
Military is a great place for a jock. That's the first thing they test you, they test you physically. If you can run, if you can do the pushups, it's not as hard a transition. If you can't do that, you're going to have a problem because they're going...
Love is the great test of the human. The human is tested by our ability to withstand love. Love is so difficult, it is so challenging, it demands of us that we wreck it with ourselves. It demands of us an honesty that few of us could sustain.
