Humor is so subjective, not everyone is going to get what you are peddling. Others will be offended when what you meant no offense whatsoever. Those are the stakes. You have to be able to stand up for yourself and what you’ve written. Comedy pushes...
Putting into words what exactly was off is not easy. I myself don’t even understand it. It was like a replica of my best friend was sitting in front of me, saying well-rehearsed lines at the wrong cues whilst I struggled to remember my dialogues. I...
[first lines] Bagheera: Many strange legends are told of these jungles of India, but none so strange as the story of a small boy named Mowgli. It all began when the silence of the jungle was broken by an unfamiliar sound. [Sound of baby crying] Baghe...
Ray Arnold: [trying to bring the system back on-line] Access main program. Access main security. Access main program grid. [the computer denies him finally saying, "You didn't say the magic word!"] Dennis Nedry: [on computer] Uh uh uh! You didn't say...
[first lines] Lorenzo: This is a true story about friendship that runs deeper than blood. This is my story and that of the only three friends in my life that truely mattered. Two of them were killers who never made it past the age of 30. The other's ...
[last lines] Christine Collins: Three boys made a run for it that night, detective, and if one got out, then maybe either or both of the other two did too. Maybe Walter's out there having the same fears that he did. Afraid to come home and identify h...
Mr. Frank Shirley: Sometimes things look good on paper, but lose their luster when you see how it affects real folks. I guess a healthy bottom line doesn't mean much if to get it, you have to hurt the ones you depend on. It's people that make the dif...
[U-96 is heading towards a nearby convoy contact] Captain: [to Werner] More than 30 freighters! Berthold better not attack now. It's best to stay close and wait until the other boats arrive. For me, there is nothing finer than a submarine... and sail...
[first lines] Dr. Schreber: [voiceover] First there was darkness. Then came the strangers. They were a race as old as time itself. They had mastered the ultimate technology. The ability to alter physical reality by will alone. They called this abilit...
[last lines] Mallinson: There's no question of Her Majesty's Government ever conceding the fact that this Jackal was an Englishman. So far as one can see, there was a period when an Englishman came under suspicion, but he has now been cleared. Certai...
[last lines] James Gordon Jr.: Why's he running, Dad? Lt. James Gordon: Because we have to chase him. James Gordon Jr.: He didn't do anything wrong. Lt. James Gordon: Because he's the hero Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now. So we'll...
[first lines] Driver: [on phone] There's a hundred-thousand streets in this city. You don't need to know the route. You give me a time and a place, I give you a five minute window. Anything happens in that five minutes and I'm yours. No matter what. ...
[last lines] John McClane: Oh, shit. Zeus: What? *What*? John McClane: I left Holly hanging on hold. Zeus: Ah, call her back. John McClane: Uhh, she's gonna be pissed. Zeus: She'll get over it. John McClane: I don't know, Zeus. Like I said, she's a v...
[first lines] DuPont: In the first years of the 21st century, a third World War broke out. Those of us who survived knew mankind could never survive a fourth; that our own volatile natures could simply no longer be risked. So we have created a new ar...
[first lines] Beautiful Girl Across the Hall: Are you Henry? Henry Spencer: Yes? Beautiful Girl Across the Hall: A girl named "Mary" called on the payphone in the hallway about an hour ago. She said that she's at her parents and that you're invited t...
[first lines] Oscar Grant: What's your resolution? Sophina: I'm gonna cut carbs. Oscar Grant: Aren't you Mexican? You can't eat nothin' Grandma makes. Sophina: It only takes 30 days to form a habit, and then it becomes second nature. Oscar Grant: Who...
Stratwitch: [Danny and Sedgewick are trying to sneak out with a group of Russian prisoners] Halt! [walks over to Sedgewick] Stratwitch: Out! [pause] Stratwitch: OUT! Danny: [No, No! Comrade!] Nyet, nyet! Tovarich! Stratwitch: Oh, he's your friend. Da...
[last lines] [flashback - Don Vito Corleone's birthday in 1941] Fredo Corleone, Tom Hagen, Santino, Connie, Salvatore "Sally" Tessio, Theresa Hagen, Carlo Rizzi: Surprise! [singing] Fredo Corleone, Tom Hagen, Santino, Connie, Salvatore "Sal...
[first lines] Michael Corleone: [voiceover] My dear children: It is now better than several years since I moved to New York, and I haven't seen you as much as I would like to. I hope you will come to the ceremony of papal honors given for my charitab...
Col. Robinson: Tell Major Barton that the attack must proceed. Frank Dunne: Sir, I don't think you've got the picture. They are being cut down before they can get five yards. [hits the phone] Col. Robinson: Bloody line! I don't care! Our marker flags...
[last lines] Stuntman Mike: Be careful, my right arm's broken! Kim: What, *this*? [cracking] Stuntman Mike: Oww! Abernathy: Such a fuckin' cry-baby! [punches Mike, the other girls take turns] Zoe: Oh, you want some of this? Abernathy: Fuck yeah! Kim:...
