Quotes of: Likeness Keyword

Come buy from me what you could rent elsewhere. Like a Like button or a wiggly wrench—or donuts that yesterday would have been free at the store next to mine.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I never scoff at coffins, because they’re like coffee cups you can bathe in. Well, coffins are like Starbucks’ coffee cups, only they have more life inside.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Like a submarine ejecting ballast, he bobbed to the surface as another sense pulled his eyelids all the way open like roller blinds in the old cartoons.

The Third Rule - The Complete Story

Every time I eat an English muffin I feel like I become more grammatically correct, more refined, more cultured, and an all-around gentleman.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I love how babies look like old people. I saw a baby the other day that looked exactly like my grandpa, only taller.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

There’s bacon in my bed. Extra crispy, like the fresh dollar bills stuffed in the mattress. I make love like I make sure I’m prepared for the next financial crisis.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Walking on the beach like a ventriloquist, I’ll make it sound like the ocean is calling out to you—through a conch shell.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

I’d like to let another person reveal my personality, and I’d like this person to be my clone. My clone would see me from the inside, as well as the outside.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’d like to make a statement, and I’d like to make it out of my own small intestines.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

We made love like a slice of French toast trying to act like an English muffin.

The Titanic would never have sunk if it were made out of a sink.

Through the fog Orafoura said, “Those people are black.” “I know,” I said, “they’ll match the lemonade.” I make love like an Arnold Palmer, but not like Arnold Palmer.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I don’t like sleeping, but I do like watching the inside of my eyelids. That’s how I drive, and that’s how I make love. Honk when you’re finished.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

It was very fast, that first time. They were on the couch, and then they were off the couch and it was all over. It was like jumping out the window and landing on the street. A quick ride, just like that.

Of Tender Sin

I don’t like to celebrate my birthday, because I don’t like taking credit for others’ work—in this case, my mom and dad. Or possibly my mom and the mailman.


This Book Has No Title

She had blonde hair like spaghetti noodles, and then she went and dyed it marinara. But I loved her like I enjoy all-you-can-eat pasta buffets.

This Book Has No Title

People say, 'Time heals all wounds.' That may be true, but relocating to an alternate reality can sure help too." -Excerpt from the journal of Dr. Harold Quickly, 1941

In Times Like These

Rocky, if I’ve learned anything from my train wreck of a marriage, it’s that no one can take care of me better than I can.

Thieves Like Us

Like a good Indian, he knew when to talk and when to remain silent. Like a good Indian, he knew there was never a good time to talk.

The Toughest Indian in the World

What the Father gives is the capacity to be a self, freedom, and thus autonomy, but an autonomy which can be understood only as a surrender of self to the other.

Unless You Become Like This Child

Why are babies allowed to cry when they wake up, but adults crying when they wake is frowned upon? Babies are permitted to act like assholes whenever they feel like it and no one blinks...

Uganda Be Kidding Me

People like to warn you that by the time you reach the middle of your life, passion will begin to feel like a meal eaten long ago, which you remember with great tenderness.

The Uncoupling