I will fight for you, and if you know me well enough, you know i am pretty darn good at winning.
When a fire rises, don't be quick to worry. Find the purpose of the fire, if it's negative, water it down, if positive, feed the flames.
One time, I went to a restaurant and I asked the waiter for some food for thought. He left, came back, and tried shoving a sirloin in my ear.
I knew a kid who stuck a knife in the toaster on a few occasions. He learned it hurt. He grew up to be a great electrician.
The moment my niece came into the world, I realized that logic can't make sense of someone who's so brand new to you.
Everyday's a honeymoon. Cuz darling, I love you to the moon.
Sometimes when I'm writing, I wonder if the words have a mind of their own, and if they're really just using me as a puppet to manifest themselves.
You smell like a bar," he said. I thought, But I wanted to have sex right then, so I said, "You smell like a poem.
We would do what we must. The world is big. Surely there is a space in it for one like you and one like me.
Her hair was red, like a flame. And my penis was long, like a commercial break. Hey, hold the elevator!
Her love stays with me wherever I go. That’s because I have it on a leash, like a dog, and I take it for walks like I do with my pet wheelchair.
We made love like a goat has four legs like a table. If your dining room table can walk, it’s best to eat while sitting in wheelchairs.
I’m too two for my taste. I want to be more one, more of a winner. If I start thinking like a champion, maybe I’ll start cheating like one.
Let us embrace each other like we have the arms of two chairs. Let us dance like our legs are those of a table. We should do dinner sometime.
I pray you, do not fall in love with me, for I am falser than vows made in wine.
And how do you really feel? Like I'll never recover. Like I'll never draw another breath without half of it being a wish for him.
I’m in great shape. I’m 30 years old, and I feel like I’m 29.
I can throw an orange like a baseball, but I can’t eat a baseball like an orange. Let that be a life lesson for you.
Dolphins and sharks are natural enemies. Dolphins are like, "Quit eating us," and sharks are like, "Stop smiling all the time, you morons.
I'm 27. I feel like I get it. I'm OK with being sexy if I feel like it. Some days I'm brainy, some days I'm funny, some days I'm sexy, and sometimes, I just want to dance.
Anybody can have a birthday. It requires nothing. Murderers have birthdays. It's the opposite of anything that I believe in. And I don't like at work where you stop everything to sing 'Happy Birthday' to someone. I feel like that's for children.
