What the critic as a teacher of language tries to teach is not an elegant accomplishment, but the means of conscious life. Literary education should lead not merely to the admiration of great literature, but to some possession of its power of utteran...
I didn’t make choices based on what I liked or didn’t like. I simply accepted what they chose for me. My role had always been to react and adapt to what was decided by other people, by outside circumstances, or in my mind, by God. My voice went u...
It was as natural and obvious to me as breathing. So I assumed that everyone else was doing it too. When I realized that everyone else was not doing it -- that they couldn't do it even if they tried -- I told myself, 'I'm different from other people,...
It is a kiss that, once begun, never really ends. Interrupted, yes. Paused, certainly. But from that very moment onward, Vera sees the whole of her life as only a breath away from kissing him again. On that night in the park, they begin the delicate ...
Home wasn't a set house, or a single town on a map. It was wherever the people who loved you were, whenever you were together. Not a place, but a moment, and then another, building on each other like bricks to create a solid shelter that you take wit...
I only sing in the shower. I would join a choir, but I don’t think my bathtub can hold that many people.
A cat purring on your lap while you sip hot tea, is there anything better? Oh, and you’re floating in a zero gravity environment.
I saw something scary. It was a boy, asking me what I’m doing naked in his father’s fridge. Dinner party’s over.
We must be willing to encounter darkness and despair when they come up and face them, over and over again if need be, without running away or numbing ourselves in the thousands of ways we conjure up to avoid the unavoidable.
I want to move to Hollywood and audition for parts just so I can say, “I’m not an actor. I just play one on TV.
Dear 30 years old, why are you stalking me? Please leave me alone or I’ll be forced to alert the authorities.
You can’t become a famous garage band if you never perform outside your garage. That’s why my band plays in my driveway.
I watch basketball like I watch baseball: I don’t. I’d much rather watch grass grow. Actually, golf isn’t that bad.
She probably thinks I have the clothes of a millionaire. And I do, but they’re still on his body, which is still in the trunk of my car.
Some PR is about getting information about a great product or thingy out to the people who would enjoy it, while other PR is about creating a web of lies that conceals the fact that your company harnesses the energy produced by rape and uses it to ma...
I just bought a can of brown paint. It’s more expensive than coffee, but I really hit the wall after I chug it.
I wish my stove came with a Save As button like Word has. That way I could experiment with my cooking and not fear ruining my dinner.
If liquid courage smelled like cologne and gushed out of my penis, I’d make a better fire fighter than I’m not right now.
If a woman asked me how far I’d go on a first date, my reply would be 69 miles. Round trip, not one way.
The ultimate weapon is Lady Gaga’s music. Why kill the enemy when you can play her music and they’ll want to kill themselves?
I’m creative, I make up almost everything. But with all my creativity, I couldn’t make up with my wife.
