Quotes of: Library-book Keyword

I love the smell of a new book, but I prefer inhaling fresh bottles of ink and glue. They get me more lightheaded – unless I read the book.

Some Inspiration for the Overenthusiastic

I have a great book. It’s called Stantasyland. Except I don’t have the money to buy a million copies to put it on the bestsellers list.

Stantasyland: Quips Quotes and Quandaries

What a blessing it is to love books. Everybody must love something, and I know of no objects of love that give such substantial and unfailing returns as books and a garden.

The Solitary Summer

I can read people like an open book, especially if their named Braille, and I’m in a touchy-feely mood.

Seriously delirious, but not at all serious

I started off for home, where I planned to recruit a good book and hide away from the world.

The Shadow of the Wind

I'm ready for another adventure now, take me far away please! Ok one more... But then you have to read to me!

The Tiny Book of Tiny Stories, Vol. 1

The doctor's wife ate two apples a day, just to be safe. But her husband kept coming home.

The Tiny Book of Tiny Stories, Vol. 1

Librarians consider free access to information the foundation of democracy.

This Book Is Overdue!: How Librarians and Cybrarians Can Save Us All

Grammar perfect books are for Ivy Leaguers in Ivory Towers. My book is a sandcastle built on the beach of usefullness.

Teaching Snapping Turtles How To Chew Bubblegum

I make love like I ride my two-seater unicycle—slowly. If you feel unstable, you can hang on to my handlebar mustache.


This Book Title is Invisible

Amputate your leg, and attach it to the underside of your wobbly, three-legged chair. Fixing your chair is easy. Ask me how to repair your broken erection.


This Book Title is Invisible

Instead of a Lemonade Stand, I should open up a “You know what I can’t stand?” Stand. I’ll sell rants in small, medium, and large.

This Book Title is Invisible

The year you were born marks only your entry into the world. Other years where you prove your worth, they are the ones worth celebrating.

This Book Title is Invisible

I did not approve of your action—I was merely congratulating myself. What you mistook for clapping was merely me giving myself multiple high fives.

This Book Title is Invisible

I take my investment advice from my dentist, because he’s just as likely to lose me money as a financial advisor.

This Book Title is Invisible

Growing up, the only class I didn’t doodle in was Art class, because there I’d get to spend the whole time drawing.

This Book Title is Invisible

I enjoy scratching itches on my body with my beard stubble. The worst though is when my lower back itches.

This Book Title is Invisible

I taught a college course called “Of Course!: Helping the Oblivious Realize the Obvious.” Nobody showed up to class, probably because the time and location weren’t obvious enough.

This Book Title is Invisible

The light lulls you into a false sense of security. But if the dark should come suddenly and silently, you’d stand out like black on night.

This Book Title is Invisible

When my now ex wife said she wanted a separation, I was horrified. So I said, “You want me to wear a condom?!

This Book Title is Invisible

We made love like September swims in August. But that’s natural, because it’s too cold to go swimming in October.

This Book Title is Invisible