My name is Hope Happy, and I am a pessimist.
Red calls out to the rose, but I’m the only one who’s listening.
Catholic, Episcopalian, I won’t have sects with you.
My sex life is Ok. Specifically, Oklahoma City.
I did a face plant. Ivy was her name.
The scent of success, it smells like body odor.
If I started yesterday, I’d be a master of tomorrow.
When two are united as one, I’ll be there. And so will someone else.
I treat women like royalty. But not from a Bolshevik perspective.
I drink screwdrivers because they help me unwind.
My name is Awesome Amazing. My middle name is Lee.
Courage is the chiaroscuro of characteristics. By that I mean I don’t know what I mean.
Unless I’m at a wedding, I don’t like veiled threats.
I put the “Dan” in Danger. I’m sorry, Dan.
After I’m dead, I want to ghostwrite my autobiography.
A pile of hairy towels is not a passable substitute for a dog.
Sounds have smells. Your father smells, and he’s noisy.
I’m the Robert the Bruce of Bruces. I’m also the Robert the Bruce of Roberts.
Politicians are people with easy answers for hard problems.
Love is a thunderstorm, and I am the desert.
If you put the “rich” in ostrich, I’ll put in the “ost.
