Fred Gailey: All my life I've wondered something, and now's my chance to find out. I'm going to find the answer to a question that's puzzled the world for centuries. Does Santa Claus sleep with his whiskers outside or in? Kris Kringle: Always sleep w...
Hotlips O'Houlihan: [Raving about the Swampmen's latest stunt] If you don't turn them over to the MPs this minute, I - -I'm going to resign my comission! Colonel Blake: [In bed with a nurse] Goddamnit, Hot Lips, resign your goddamn comission! Hotlips...
Colonel Blake: I'm tired of you guys trying to run this outfit. This time there's going to be disciplinary action. Duke Forrest: What're you gonna do, Henry? Colonel Blake: Well, I had planned to name Trapper Chief Surgeon, to consult on your shift a...
Ed Crane: [narrating] There they were. All going about their business. It seemed like I knew a secret, a bigger one even than what had really happened to Big Dave. Something none of them knew. Like I had made it to the outside somehow, and they were ...
Field Reporter: Chief, if I were surrounded by eight or ten of these things, would I stand a chance with them? Sheriff McClelland: Well, there's no problem. If you have a gun, shoot 'em in the head. That's a sure way to kill 'em. If you don't, get yo...
Jane: I've heard police work is dangerous. Frank: It is. That's why I carry a big gun. Jane: Aren't you afraid it might go off accidentally? Frank: I used to have that problem. Jane: What did you do about it? Frank: I just think about baseball.
Sheba Hart: This is going to sound sick, but something in me felt... entitled. You know, I've been good all my adult life. I've been a decent wife, a dutiful mother coping with Ben. This voice inside me kept saying "why shouldn't you be bad, why shou...
Clark Griswald: [talking about Aunt Edna] She can't weigh more than 100 pounds. Ellen Griswald: Oh, no. You can't just put her on the roof. Audrey Griswald: Yes, he can! Clark Griswald: You want me to strap her to the hood? She'll be fine. It's not a...
[Clark punches the Marty Moose statue] Ellen Griswold: Clark, what are you doing? Clark: We watch his program... We buy his toys, we go to his movies... he owes us. Doesn't he owe us, huh? He owes the Griswolds, right? Fucking-A right he owes us!
[In the middle of a desert. Clark is going crazy as he trots through the hills. Two native Americans on horses watch him] Clark: We pass a damn gas station every hundred yards for a thousand miles, but when you really need one, you end up walking you...
Linus: [Yen's cast is caught in vault door, Unaware that Yen is trapped, Danny and Linus try to blow the door but the bomb doesnt go off] Did you check the batteries? [pause] Linus: You know, you lose focus in this game for one second... Danny: I kno...
Peter Gibbons: Hey, guys. Michael Bolton: What's up, G? Peter Gibbons: Want to go to Chotchkie's? Get some coffee? Samir: Oh, it's a little early. Peter Gibbons: I gotta get outta here. I think I'm gonna lose it. Female Temp: Uh-oh. Sounds like someb...
Cheyenne: [to Jill] You know what? If I was you, I'd go down there and give those boys a drink. Can't imagine how happy it makes a man to see a woman like you. Just to look at her. And if one of them should pat your behind, just make believe it's not...
Jules: Look, do you wanna play blindman? Go walk with the shepherd. But me, my eyes are wide fucking open. Vincent: What the fuck does that mean? Jules: It means, that's it for me. From here on in you can consider my ass retired. Vincent: Jesus Chris...
Christopher Gardner: Probably means there's a good chance. Possibly means we might or we might not. Christopher: Okay. Christopher Gardner: So, what does probably mean? Christopher: It means we have a good chance. Christopher Gardner: And what does p...
Sgt. O'Neill: Guy's in three years, he thinks he's Jesus fucking Christ or something. Sgt. Barnes: Red, your guys stay in, but you go! I need veterans out there. Sgt. O'Neill: Damn it! [leaves] Lt. Wolf: Excuse me, Seargeant. But in front of the men,...
Dana: I'll go check the kitchen! Steve: NO! No, I'll do it! I'll check the kitchen, you check your room! Steve: Carol Anne! Dana: Carol Snne! Diane: Carol Anne! Sweetheart! Steve: DIANE! Diane: Did you find her? Steve: No, I looked everywhere! This i...
Henryk Szpilman: I thought you only recruited boys with rich fathers. Look at my father, look at us. Itzak Heller: Yes, I'm looking at you, and that's why I'm here. Your whole family can have a better life. You want to go on struggling for survival, ...
Flora: She says its her piano and she won't have him touch it. He's an oaf. He can't read. He's ignorant. Stewart: He wants to improve himself. And you'll be able to play it. Teach him how to look after it. You can't go on like this. We're a family n...
George Baines: What happened? Tell me. Tell me! Where is she? Shh. Quiet down! Quiet down. Where is she? Flora: He chopped it off. George Baines: What did she tell him? What did she tell him? I'm going to crush his skull. Flora: Nooo! No, no! He'll c...
Elizabeth: [Elizabeth and Jack have just been rescued from the rumrunners' island] But we've got to save Will! Governor Swann: No! You're safe now. We will return to Port Royal immediately, not go gallivating after pirates! Elizabeth: Then we comdemn...
