[attempting to push Santa down the pipe] Shock: I think he might be too big! [she tries again, he groans] Lock: No, he's not! If he can go down a chimney... he can fit... [shoves] Lock: down... [shoves again] Lock: ...here! [Santa slides down the pip...
Steven Connolly: What're you having for tea, Miss? Sheba Hart: I don't know, I'll probably buy something on the way home. Steven Connolly: Are you a good cook? Sheba Hart: Not really. Steven Connolly: You suck? Sheba Hart: [turns around and notices S...
Alicia: Look, I'll make it easy for you. The time has come when you must tell me you have a wife and two adorable children... and this madness between us can't go on any longer. Devlin: Bet you've heard that line often enough. Alicia: [hurt] Right be...
Young Patsy: Hey, stop by for you later! Young Noodles: Yeah, but knock here on the john first! My old man's praying, and my old lady's crying, and the light's turned off. What the hell should I go home for? At least in here I can read...
Jeannine: Conrad, I'm not a very good bowler, what I mean is, I'm a funny bowler. Conrad "Con" Jarrett: Oh, well we don't have to go bowling if you'd rather not. How funny are ya? Jeannine: On a scale of one to ten... about a ten. Conrad "Con" Jarret...
[Insisting John help his son] Elsie: If you don't, I'll leave you. I'll find work. I'll do whatever it takes to get away from here. I'll live in a tree to get away from you. Don't you think I won't. John: [Softly] Where would you go? Elsie: Myrtle Be...
Grace: [regarding Lydia] Was she born like that? Mrs. Mills: Beg your pardon, ma'am? Grace: The girl. Was she born a mute? Mrs. Mills: No. [looks uncomfortable] Mrs. Mills: I think I've finished here, ma'am. If you'll excuse me, I think I'll go and s...
Josey Wales: [referring to Lone's dog] Chief, I was just wondering: I suppose that mangy red-bone hound's got no place else to go either. [spits tobacco juice on the dog's forehead] Josey Wales: He might as well ride along with us; Hell, everybody el...
Inigo Montoya: [drunk] I am waiting for you, Vizzini! You told me to go back to the beginning... so I have. [widen to show Inigo sitting in a heap against a house, swilling from a bottle] Inigo Montoya: This is where I am, this is where I'll stay. I ...
Jules: You remember Antoine Roccamora, half black, half Samoan, used to call him Tony Rocky Horror? Vincent: Yeah, maybe. Fat, right? Jules: I wouldn't go so far as to call the brother fat, I mean he got a weight problem. What's the nigger gonna do? ...
Jody: Lance! The goddamn phone's ringing! Lance: [getting up to answer the phone] I can hear it. Jody: I thought you told those fucking assholes never to call here this late! Lance: Yeah, I told them. And that is exactly what I'm going to tell this f...
Wladyslaw Szpilman: Where are we going? Mother: Phhhhh, out of Warsaw. Wladyslaw Szpilman: [confused] Out of Warsaw? Where? Regina: You haven't heard? Wladyslaw Szpilman: [exasperated] Heard what? Regina: Haven't you seen the paper? Wladyslaw Szpilma...
Hawkins: Billy. Billy! The other day, I was going down on my girlfriend, I said to her, "Jeez you got a big pussy. Jeez you got a big pussy." She said, "Why did you say that twice?" I said, "I didn't." [Billy stares blankly] Hawkins: See, cuz of the ...
Max Bialystock: Bloom, I'm drowning. Other men sail through life, Bialystock has struck a reef. Bloom, I'm going under. I'm condemned by a society that demands success when all I can offer is failure. Bloom, I'm reaching out to you. Don't send me to ...
John Mason: Are you sure you're ready for this? Stanley Goodspeed: I'll do my best. John Mason: Your "best"! Losers always whine about their best. Winners go home and fuck the prom queen. Stanley Goodspeed: Carla was the prom queen. John Mason: Reall...
General Hummel: I guess you haven't completely taken care of the rat problem, Captain. Captain Hendrix: No, sir. General Hummel: Well, there are two dead men here who strongly suggest that you go finish the job. Captain Hendrix: Yes, sir. [realizing ...
Alexander Rance: This is Mr. Rance in the bridal suite and before you proffer your phony congratulations there is no Mrs. Rance residing with me and I'm all the better for it. Now, listen carefully because I am in no mood. I'm going to say this only ...
Herman Blume: What's the secret, Max? Max Fischer: The secret? Herman Blume: Yeah, you seem to have it pretty figured out. Max Fischer: The secret, I don't know... I guess you've just gotta find something you love to do and then... do it for the rest...
[Duke wants to know who the German spy is] Sefton: It's no use, Schulz, you might as well come clean. Why don't you just tell them it's me, because I'm really the illegitimate son of Hitler, and after the Germans win the war, you're going to make me ...
Jayden: Please don't be offended if I'm not very friendly, but I'm going to be living with my dad soon, and I don't really like wasting time on short-term relationships. So, you know, it's nothing personal. Luis: Wow. She seems like a really nice gir...
C-3PO: [on Han's escape plan] I really don't see how that is going to help! Surrender is a perfectly acceptable alternative in extreme circumstances! The Empire may be gracious enough to... [Han signals to Leia, who shuts 3PO down]
