My love is heavy with ink, so I took it and transformed it into a poem for you. I would give it to you, but Grandma took it because I left it on the counter, and she mistook it for the grocery list.
Left-handed and eyes closed, it’s how I masturbate—while driving at night. If you want to know how I make love, you’re going to have to pay for admission.
Weeping is not the same thing as crying. It takes your whole body to weep, and when it's over, you feel like you don't have any bones left to hold you up.
Dancing? Not only do I have two left feet, but they’re different sizes. And I don’t put them in shoes—I store them in glass jars in my basement.
There’s a traffic jam in the stream. I’d better go fish up a solution. Too bad I left my tackle box at the football stadium, along with all the other worms.
At five in the morning, I was half asleep. The whole left side of my body was taking a nap. Seems I’m also always half in love, from my waist down.
If I only had five minutes left to live, I’d only be half as alarmed as normal, because my watch is five minutes fast. And I can get a lot done in 10 minutes.
Two mustaches walk into a bar, and the bartender said, “Can I get you a drink?” Both mustaches turned towards each other but said nothing, because they’d each left their mouth at home.
One! two! and through and through The vorpal blade went snickersnack! He left it dead, and with its head He went galumphing back.
Hope is a very strange thing, Constance Thyme, and something I haven’t had much of, as late. Yet all the signs lead me to believe there may be some left in the world for me, after all.
There is only one page left to write on. I will fill it with words of only one syllable. I love. I have loved. I will love.
...returning to nature has been a dream present in the minds of every generation since mankind first left nature.
How do you walk into someone's life again after twenty-eight years? How do you pick up, when you were too young to know where you left off.
The girls took into their own hands decisions better left to God. They became too powerful to live among us, too self-concerned, too visionary, too blind.
He put his sister's card in his pocket. He left home for a strange new life and carried her love with him, as he had once before.
A woman may be beautiful but have poor character. A man may be a business genius, making money left and right, but lack common courtesy, sensitivity, and compassion.
I rejoice that horses and steers have to be broken before they can be made the slaves of men, and that men themselves have some wild oats still left to sow before they become submissive members of society.
It doesn't seem to make any sense, but then it never does! It's usually only afterwards when the pieces finally fit together, that you're left standing there thinking how obvious it always was.
Winter and spring blended together this year like ice in water, and I was left thirsting for love. I’d better lay off the saltine crackers.
Since graduation, I have measured time in 4-by-5-inch pieces of paper, four days on the left and three on the right. Every social engagement, interview, reading, flight, doctor's appointment, birthday and dry-cleaning reminder has been handwritten be...
Good twists are enormously hard to come by, and I think the best ones are earned ones. The idea that a story can take a left turn on you, it's easy to do, but it has to be done very, very carefully, or else you risk losing the audience's trust.
