Andrew Largeman: Let's just talk about good stuff. Sam: Good stuff? Andrew Largeman: Yeah. Glass half full shit. What do you got? Sam: I got a little buzz. I got that. [laughs] Sam: What you got? Andrew Largeman: I got a little buzz going [pauses] An...
Lucius: [Bob and Lucius are sitting in a parked car, reminiscing] So now I'm in deep trouble. I mean, one more jolt of this death ray and I'm an epitaph. Somehow I manage to find cover and what does Baron von Ruthless do? Bob: [laughing] He starts mo...
Japanese Businessman: [in Japanese; subtitled] Do you like Ferraris? Go Go Yubari: [in Japanese] Ferraris... Italian trash. [Japanese businessman giggles] Go Go Yubari: Do you want to screw me? [Japanese businessman giggles again] Go Go Yubari: Don't...
[Po slurps up noodles, one ends up draped on his nose like Shifu's mustaches. Everyone starts chuckling] Po: What? Mantis: Oh, nothing... Master Shifu. Po: Oh, yeah, yeah. [imitating Shifu] Po: You will never be the Dragon Warrior, unless you lose 50...
Po: But dad, didn't you ever, I don't know, want to do something else? Something besides noodles? Mr. Ping: Actually, when I was young and crazy, I thought about running away and learning how to make tofu. Po: So why didn't you? Mr. Ping: Oh, because...
Young Simba: Hey, Uncle Scar, guess what? Scar: I despise guessing games. Young Simba: I'm gonna be King of Pride Rock. Scar: Oh, goody. Young Simba: My dad just showed me the whole kingdom. And I'm gonna rule it all. Heheh. Scar: Yes. Well, forgive ...
Robot: [At the Octan loading bay] Who are you here to see? Batman: I'm here to see... your butt! Robot: Is that a last name Butt, first name Your...? Robot: [Batman throws a Batarang at the Robot decapitating him] Oh, my gosh! [Batman and Benny laugh...
Scuttle: [Flying blissfully close to the wedding barge, as he hums the Wedding March] Vanessa: [singing in Ariel's Voice, to the tune of "Poor Unfortunate Souls"] What a lovely little bride I'll make/ My dear I'll look divine. Vanessa: [Chuckles, the...
Bert: Uncle Albert, I got a jolly joke I saved for just such an occasion. Would you like to hear it? Uncle Albert: [sobbing] I'd be so grateful. Bert: Well it's about me granddad, see, and one night he has a nightmare. He was so scared, he chewed his...
Mr. Dawes Jr: Ah, there you are, Banks. I want to congratulate you. Capital bit of humor, wooden leg named Smith! [pauses looks a bit confused] Mr. Dawes Jr: Or, Jones, whatever it was. Father died laughing! George Banks: Oh, I'm so sorry, sir! Mr. D...
Tom Doniphon: [Valance has tripped Rance in the diner, causing him to spill a tray of food] That's *my* steak, Valance. Liberty Valance: [laughing] You heard him, Dude. Pick it up. Ransom Stoddard: No! Tom Doniphon: Pilgrim, hold it. I said you, Vala...
Santa: [singing] Release me now or you'll have to face the dire consequences. / The children are expecting me, so please come to your senses. Oogie Boogie Man: [singing] You're jokin', you're jokin'! / I can't believe my ears! / Would someone shut th...
Translator: The general would like to know if you will drink a toast with him. Patton: Thank the general and tell him I have no desire to drink with him or any other Russian son of a bitch. Translator: [Nervous] I can't tell him that! Patton: Tell hi...
Patton: Men, all this stuff you've heard about America not wanting to fight, wanting to stay out of the war, is a lot of horse dung. Americans traditionally love to fight. All real Americans love the sting of battle. When you were kids, you all admir...
Mary Elizabeth: Charlie, Charlie, what do you think about high school? Charlie: High school? Bullshit. The cafeteria is called the Nutrition Center; people wear their letter jackets even when it's 98 degrees out. And why do they give out letter jacke...
Joey Gazelle: [On the Ice, about to be hit with slap shots] Don't you do this Frankie. Don't you motherfucking do this! Motherfucker! Don't fucking do this! Don't hurt that motherfucking kid, you fuck! Perello: [laughing] You fucked up, Joey. You fuc...
Royal: I got a pretty bad case of cancer. Chas: [yawns] How long you gonna last? Royal: Not long. Chas: A month? A year? Royal: About six weeks. Let me get to the point, the three of you and your mother are all I've got and I love you more than anyth...
Bill Cox: Hey, Scooter, did I tell you the one about the two ol' boys pissing off a bridge? Scooter: I don't believe you did. Bill Cox: Well, there were these two ol' boys and they hung their peckers off a bridge to piss. One ol' boy from California,...
[first lines] [a fairytale book appears] Shrek: [narrating] Once upon a time, there was a lovely princess. But she had an enchantment upon her of a fearful sort, which could only be broken by love's first kiss. She was locked away in a castle guarded...
Dr. Jeremiah Naehring: You both served overseas, huh? Chuck Aule: It's not much of a stretch, Doc. For all you know, we're both paper pushers over there. Dr. Jeremiah Naehring: No, you are not. - Since the schoolyard, neither of you has ever walked a...
Woody: [thinks Buzz has gone crazy] Let's get you out of here Buzz... Buzz: Don't you get it? [points to a doll's hat on his head] Buzz: You see the hat? I am Mrs. Nesbitt! [laughs hysterically] Woody: Snap out of it, Buzz! [opens Buzz's helmet, slap...
