Alan Johnson: [Leaving Angela's office] You OK? Charlie Fineman: Yeah. Just make sure they never schedule me near that girl, all right? I would... No, it's just I never wanna see her again. That's trouble. She's too good-looking. I just... Nobody has...
Linguini: [to Collete] Ngaah! Why is it so hard to talk to you? Okay! Here we go! You inspire me. I'm going to risk it all! I'm going to risk looking like the biggest idiot psycho you've ever seen! You wanna know why I'm such a fast learner? Why I'm ...
[During a war game with BB guns] Royal: [on top of a roof, aiming at Chas] Hold it Chassie. Hold it right there. Young Chas Tenenbaum: What are you doing? You're on my team! Royal: Ha-ha! There are no teams! [he shoots at Chas, hitting his hand. Chas...
William Somerset: [Reading from one of John Doe's journals] On the subway today, a man came up to me to start a conversation. He made small talk, a lonely man talking about the weather and other things. I tried to be pleasant and accommodating, but m...
Sugar: [pouring bourbon into paper cup] Turn the lights on. Daphne: No lights, we don't want anyone to know we're having a party. Sugar: But I might spill some. Daphne: So spill it! Spills, thrills, laughs, and games. This may even turn out to be a s...
[last lines] Senator Bail Organa: Captain Antilles. Captain Antilles: Yes, Your Highness? Senator Bail Organa: I'm placing these droids in your care. Treat them well. Clean them up. Have the Protocol Droid's mind wiped. C-3PO: What? [R2-D2 beeps in a...
[deleted scene: Spock's birth] Sarek: I was thinking that we could name him after one of Vulcan's early society builders. His name was Spock. [Amanda considers it] Sarek: Your silence does not suggest enormous enthusiasm. Amanda Grayson: No... [tryin...
[Secundus has just been murdered and has become a ghost, joining his other dead brothers] Secundus: [trying to laugh off his brothers' frosty stares] Oh, please, you're not annoyed at that whole murder thing, are you? I mean, that was ten years ago. ...
Benny: Hey, man, you need a cab? Douglas Quaid: Well, what's wrong with this one? [points to other cabbie] Benny: [laughs] He ain't got five kids to feed. Douglas Quaid: Where's yours? Benny: Right over there man. [takes Quaid with him] Punk Cabbie: ...
[Ryan and Natalie arrived at the Hilton hotel where Ryan jumps to the counter to check with his Hilton Honors card; A woman becomes insulted by this] Business Woman: He just waltzes in and cuts in line? Hilton Clerk: We reserve priority assistance fo...
Darien Taylor: I don't want him to ever know, you understand? Gordon Gekko: Mum's the word. [after a pause] Gordon Gekko: You and I are the same, Darien. We are smart enough not to buy in to the oldest myth running; love. A fiction created by people ...
Rorschach: I heard joke once: Man goes to doctor. Says he's depressed. Life seems harsh, and cruel. Says he feels all alone in threatening world. Doctor says: "Treatment is simple. The great clown - Pagliacci - is in town. Go see him. That should pic...
Charles Xavier: He's being held hundred floors under the most heavily guarded building on the planet. Logan: Why is he in there? Charles Xavier: Oh, he forgot to mention you? [laughs] Hank McCoy: [whispers to Logan] Uh, JFK. Logan: [surprised] He kil...
Aron Ralston: [upon first meeting] I can take you that way if you like... Kristi, Megan: [apprehensive silence] Aron Ralston: Oh, sorry. The, uh - Friday the 13th there. [removes scarf from his face] Kristi, Megan: [nervous laughs] Aron Ralston: [t...
Tick: Well, listen to this one. After we did the ABBA show, Kevin had one of those liposuction penis enlargements. Felicia: He didn't? Tick: Yep. Do you know what they do? They siphon all the fat out of your love handles, and actually inject it into ...
Trudy Chacon: What's goin' on, brother? Long time, no see. Lock Up Trooper: Hey. Trudy Chacon: Personally, I don't feel these tree huggin' traitors deserve steak. Lock Up Trooper: They get steak? That's bullshit. Let me see that. [Trudy laughs and th...
Corporal Hancock: Sir. [Offers mug of tea] Major General Urquhart: Hancock. I've got lunatics laughing at me from the woods. My original plan has been scuppered now that the jeeps haven't arrived. My communications are completely broken down. Do you ...
The Dude: These are, uh... Brandt: Oh, those are Mr Lebowski's children, so to speak. The Dude: Different mothers, huh? Brandt: No. The Dude: Racially he's pretty cool? Brandt: [laughs] They're not literally his children. They're the Little Lebowski ...
William Wallace: [to a swaying Hamish] You all right? You look a wee bit shaky. Hamish: Shoulda remembered the rocks. William Wallace: Aye, you shoulda. [Hamish collapses; helps Hamish up] William Wallace: Get up ya big heap. It's good to see you aga...
I try to write the books I would love to come upon, that are honest, concerned with real lives, human hearts, spiritual transformation, families, secrets, wonder, craziness- and that can make me laugh. When I am reading a book like this, I feel rich ...
If someone who wanted to learn to dance were to say: For centuries, one generation after the other has learned the positions, and it is high time that I take advantage of this and promptly begin with the quadrille--people would presumably laugh a lit...
