If I had to put a name to it, I would wish that all my books were entertainments. I think the first thing you've got to do is grab the reader by the ear, and make him sit down and listen. Make him laugh, make him feel. We all want to be entertained a...
Well, my friends give me purple flowers and orange tea and goosedown spinning quilts and torquoise chairs we greet one another in a wild profusion of words and wave farewell amidst the wonderment of air In the laughing times we know we are lucky In t...
One day you’re going to see her holding hands with someone who took your chance. She won’t even notice you because she’s too busy laughing with the stupid jokes he makes. And it will burn your heart seeing that beautiful smile on her face and r...
And I think missing you hurts the most when something funny happens. Because in that one moment I find myself laughing, and within the next second I want to tell or text you what happened. And then it hits me again, every single time, that you aren�...
The family. We were a strange little band of characters trudging through life sharing diseases and toothpaste, converting one another's desserts, hiding shampoo, borrowing money, locking each other out of our rooms, inflicting pain and kissing to hea...
I made sure that instead of people making fun of me, like every comedian probably says, I made fun of myself first so they would get distracted and just laugh. I was pretty brutally picked on for a while growing up. It was always the really pretty gi...
All i have to offer is this: i hold a valid driver's license and I know the way to the hospital. I can hang curtains, flip a mattress, load a dishwasher. I can deliver a pizza, lend a steadying arm, laugh at a morbid joke and compliment a bad wig and...
When people would ask me what I’m addicted to, I always said ‘music.’ And while they’d laugh it off like it’s a cliché, I’m actually a complete shopaholic when it comes to records. I’d literally buy 10 albums a week for years, so when ...
For me, it's a purity thing about the joke itself. It's a test of a joke whether or not you do it completely clean and it works. If it does, then that's a legitimate item you have there. For me, it's nothing to do with finding those words offensive. ...
I'm growing fonder of my staff; I'm growing dimmer in my eyes; I'm growing fainter in my laugh; I'm growing deeper in my sighs; I'm growing careless of my dress; I'm growing frugal of my gold; I'm growing wise; I'm growing--yes,-- I'm growing old.
We just got a tour bus. I didn't know tour buses could be this nice. It's just me, Brian Haner the guitar guy, the tour manager and a writer. We laugh ourselves silly. Apparently we're going to have a road dog, a miniature pincher. It's the smallest ...
Frank Abagnale, Jr.: [when Carl catches up to him in the print shop in Montrichard] Carl? Carl! Merry Christmas! How is it we're always talking on Christmas, Carl? Every Christmas, I'm talking to you! [laughs] Carl Hanratty: Put your shirt on, Frank....
The Joker: [holds camera facing himself] See, this is how crazy Batman's made Gotham! If you want order in Gotham, Batman must take off his mask and turn himself in. Oh, and every day he doesn't, people will die, starting tonight. I'm a man of my wor...
Gru: Hello, Fred. FYI. Your dog has been leaving little bombs in my yard, and I do not appreciate it. Fred McDade: Oh you know dogs... they go where they want to go. Gru: Unless they're dead. [laughs] Gru: I'm joking! Although it is true. Anyway, hav...
Frank Costello: Who let this IRA motherfucker in my bar? [the man looks startled] Frank Costello: [laughs] Only kidding. How's your mother? Man in Costello's Bar: Oh... I'm afraid she's on her way out. Frank Costello: [walks away] We all are. Act acc...
Dr. King Schultz: Oh, Monsiuer Candie, you can't imagine what it's like not to hear your mother tongue in four years. Calvin Candie: Well hell, I can't imagine two weeks in Boston! Stephen: [Stephen laughs out loud] "Two weeks in Boston!" Monsiuer Ca...
Clarence Anglin: What movie is playing this week? John Anglin: Some cowboy piece of shit. [goes into Italian-American voice] John Anglin: 'ey, least dey could show was a gangsta movie! [laughs] Frank Morris: I may have found a way out of here. [the g...
Deputy Sergeant Arthur Gault: [Preston sluices Rambo with a fire hose] Hey, Preston! Make sure you get him behind the ears! Ha-ha-ha-ha. [Mitch leaves in disgust] Deputy Sergeant Arthur Gault: What's the matter, Mitch? Don't you like water sports? [c...
Joe: I don't think it's nice, you laughin'. You see, my mule don't like people laughing. He gets the crazy idea you're laughin' at him. Now if you apologize, like I know you're going to, I might convince him that you really didn't mean it.
Don Corleone: How's your boy? Michael: He's good. Don Corleone: You know, he looks more like you every day. Michael: He's smarter than I am. Three years old, and he can already read the funny papers. Don Corleone: [laughs] Read the funny papers...
Andy: Watch this. [Data's father takes a camera out of his jacket and proceeds to take a picture but the film falls out. Andy starts laughing] Andy: He's just like his father. Data: [in Chinese] That's okay daddy. You can't hug a photograph. Mr. Wang...
