My Life glass lays on its sides, Lodging new and old sand hives. Longing for a crack to slip through, Lying for their lack of plain clue. Lounging loosely on each end, Laughing to be spent or spend. My dirt clock is lazy still, I beg God, one end to ...
If you can live in Vegas, or visit Vegas, and leave in one piece, still loving it and somehow laughing about it, you should spend at least part of your last night in town doing something that will serve you well no matter where you go next: thank you...
I made so many jokes about poor Russell Crowe, he once knocked on my dressing room door, and told me he wanted to go out on this chat show we were on to laugh with me. Now he's ruined it. I can't make another joke about him.
They were exactly the same morons that laugh like hyenas in the movies at stuff that isn't funny. I swear to God, if I were a piano player or an actor or something and all those dopes thought I was terrific, I'd hate it. I wouldn't even want them to ...
Eve hugged him and whispered in his ear, "Careful. I'm fatal." He needed to remember that warning. He whispered back, holding her hair so she couldn’t squirm away, “Jesus. It’s like you said that directly to my balls.” She laughed so hard at ...
There's just nothing funnier or crazier than that - doing your Broadway debut as Spider-Man in 'Spider-Man' the musical. It was, like, the last thing I could have ever possibly imagined happening. I mean, I would tell people I was playing Spider-Man,...
Louis: [on Melanie] I just felt strange, you know, I thought, if she was your girlfriend... Ordell Robbie: But you fucked her anyway? Louis: Well... Ordell Robbie: Well, I hope you felt appropriately guilty about it afterwards. Louis: Afterwards, I d...
My brothers used to call me Bob. They'd laugh at me, and I didn't get it. I'm 13 years old at the time, and then one day my brother's friend says, 'You know what Bob stands for? 'Booty on back.' You're fat.' Like my butt was so big I could reach for ...
My way is the sensitive, emotional way, because that's who I am. I try to be the clown and court jester and make people laugh. At the same time, you have people in the hospital who have had gastric bypass or lap-band surgery, and they still have to w...
Abbe Faria: With two of us digging, we can cover twice the ground. It'll only take us, oh... 8 years to reach the outer wall. [Edmond laughs] Abbe Faria: Ohh... and does something else demand your time? Some pressing appointment, perhaps?
Cal: Who told you that Emily and I are getting divorced? Cal's Boss: Amy heard you crying in the bathroom - we all thought it was cancer. Cal: Oh... Cal's Boss: Thank God, man... *laughing* Cal: Yeah, just my relationship...
Laughing Bull: Know this Swimming Bird: This blue eye percieves all things conjoined. The past, the future, and the present. Everything flows and all is connected. This eye is not merely seen reality. It is touching the truth. Open the eye of truth.....
[the officers of U-96 enter the Weser's main cabin. The 1WO is the only one with his full dress uniform on] Captain of the 'Weser': [to 1WO] Welcome aboard the Weser, Herr Kapitänleutnant. [2WO stifles a laugh] 1st Lieutenant: No, not me. This is th...
Ambassador Trentino: You didn't shadow Firefly? Chicolini: Oh, sure we shadow Firefly - we shadow him all day. Ambassador Trentino: But what day was that? Chicolini: Shadowday! [laughs loudly] Chicolini: That's-a some joke, eh, boss? [Trentino buries...
Sister Helen Prejean: You are a son of God. Matthew Poncelet: [in tears] Thank you. I've never been called a son of God before. [laughs slightly] Matthew Poncelet: I've been called a son of a you-know-what plenty of times, but I've never been called ...
Almásy: [being carried up the stairs] There was a Prince, who was dying, and he was carried up the tower at Pisa so he could die with a view of the Tuscan Hills. Am I that Prince? Hana: [laughs] Because you're leaning? No, you're just on an angle. Y...
Marlin: There was this mollusk, and he walks up to this sea cucumber. Normally, they don't talk, sea cucumbers, but in a joke everyone talks. So the sea mollusk says to the cucumber... [sees the mask] Marlin: Nemo! Chum: [laughing] Nemo! Ha ha! Nemo....
Bruce: Hello. [Marlin gasps, Dory swims up] Dory: Well, hi! Bruce: Name's Bruce. [offers fin, Marlin backs up] Bruce: It's all right. I understand. [turns away] Bruce: Why trust a shark, right? [quickly returns and snaps at Marlin and Dory, then laug...
Paul Edgecomb: We'll be doing this for real tomorrow night and I don't want nobody to remember some stupid joke like that and get it going again. You ever try to not to laugh in church when something funny gets stuck in your head? Same goddamn thing.
Theodore: Well, you really are your own worst critic. I'm sure it's amazing. I remember that paper that you wrote in school about synaptic behavioral routines - that made me cry. Catherine: [laughs] Yeah, but everything makes you cry. Theodore: Every...
Annie Hughes: Strange. He's so tight-lipped now, and yesterday he wouldn't stop talking. I mean, hundred-foot robots and whatnot. Kent Mansley: Hundred-foot robot? He, he. That's nutty. [they both laugh] Kent Mansley: What else did he say?
