Ralphie: Hey Dad! I'll bet you'll never guess what I got you for Christmas. The Old Man: A new furnace. Ralphie: Ha ha! That's a good one, Dad! [Randy laughs]
The Chechen: What do you propose? The Joker: It's simple. We, uh, kill the Batman. [mobsters laugh] Salvatore Maroni: If it's so simple, why haven't you done it already? The Joker: If you're good at something, never do it for free.
Sal: Do your friends put money in your pocket, Pino? Food on your table, they pay your rent, a roof over your head? They're not your friends. If they were your friends they wouldn't laugh at you.
Sir Francis Walsingham: [how a wise man would change allegiance] There are but two choices: he would get into bed with either Spain or France. Mary of Guise: [laughs, then smiles wickedly] And... whose bed would you prefer?
Narrator: Now, look - will the soundtrack kindly produce a sound? [it is silent] Narrator: Go on, don't be nervous. Go ahead - any sound. Narrator: [blows a "raspberry", vibrating as it does so] Narrator: [laughs] Narrator: Umm... that isn't *quite* ...
Ken: Rev-enge! Otto: [laughing] It's K-K-K-Ken! C-c-c-coming to k-k-k-kill me! How you gonna c-c-c-catch me, K-K-K-Ken?
Rocket Raccoon: He called me "vermin"! [points to Drax] Rocket Raccoon: She called me "rodent"! [points to Gamora] Rocket Raccoon: Let's see if you can laugh after five or six good shots in your freakin' face!
Mike Tyson: By the way man, where you get that cop car from? Stu Price: We uh, stole it from these dumbass cops. Mike Tyson: *Nice*! [laughing] Mike Tyson: *Nice*! High five there!... That's nice!
Jeffrey Pelt: Okay, when do you leave? Jack Ryan: [laughing] Wait a minute! The General was right. I am not field personnel, I am only an analyst. Jeffrey Pelt: You're perfect.
Lestat: [to Louis] Feed on what you will. Rats, chickens, poodles, I'll leave you to it and watch you come around. But just remember, life without me would be even more unbearable. [laughs]
Cooper: It is hard leaving everything... my kids, your father... Brand: We're gonna be spending a lot of time together. Cooper: We should learn to talk. Brand: And when not to? [laughs] Brand: Just being honest. Cooper: I don't think you need to be t...
Mayor Vaughn: Any special questions? Denherder: Uh, is that $3000 bounty on the shark in cash or check? [the townspeople laugh] Mrs. Taft: I don't think that's funny. I don't think that's funny at all, I'm sorry.
Adult Pi Patel: What has mamaji already told you? Writer: He said you had a story that would make me believe in God. Adult Pi Patel: [laughs] He would say that about a nice meal.
Gimli: [failing to see over the wall] What's happening out there? Legolas: Shall I describe it to you? Gimli: [turns] Hmm? Legolas: Or would you like me to find you a box? [Gimli laughs]
Bob: I was feeling tight in the shoulders and neck, so I called down and had a Shiatsu massage in my room... Charlotte: Mmh, that's nice! Bob: And the tightness has completely disappeared and been replaced by unbelievable pain. [Charlotte laughs]
Dr. Will Gruber: So, you're a caveman? John Oldman: Yes, uh... I *was* a cro-magnon, I think. Dr. Will Gruber: You don't know if you're a caveman or not? John Oldman: [half laughs] No, I'm sure about that.
[last lines] Christopher: Knock, knock. Christopher Gardner: Who's there? Christopher: Nobody. Christopher Gardner: Nobody who? [Christopher says nothing] Christopher Gardner: Christopher, nobody who? [Christopher says nothing] Christopher Gardner: [...
[as they are attempting to commandeer the Interceptor] Jack Sparrow: Don't be alarmed, we're taking over the ship. Will Turner: [lunges with his sword] AYE! AVAST! [Jack stares at him as all the British sailors burst out laughing]
Colonel Gaston Bell: General McAuliffe refused a German surrender demand. You know what he said? Patton: What? Colonel Gaston Bell: "Nuts!" Patton: [laughing] Keep them moving, colonel. A man that eloquent has to be saved.
Joe Bradley: Now, come on. You're not that drunk. Princess Ann: [laughing] If you're so smart I'm not drunk at all. I'm just being [her head falls against his chest] Princess Ann: verrrrry haaaappy...
Sabrina Fairchild: I might as well be reaching for the moon. Baron St. Fontanel: The moon? Baron St. Fontanel: [laughs] Oh, you young people! You are so old-fashioned. Have you not heard? We are building rockets to reach the moon!
