Jeff: I just can't figure it. He went out several times last night in the rain carrying his sample case. Stella: Well, he's a salesman, isn't he? Jeff: Well, what would he be selling at three o'clock in the morning? Stella: Flashlights. Luminous dial...
Max Denoff: [telling a joke to the train passengers] Woman always mess up my last name. I was with a girl the other night and she kept calling me "Getoff." She was like, "Getoff! Getoff!" I'm like, "No, it's Denoff. Denoff." She says, "No, you're fat...
Ed: Do you want your messages? Shaun: What? Ed: Well, your mum rang about you going around tomorrow night, and then Liz rang about the two of you eating out tonight, and then your mum rang back to see if I wanted to eat her out tonight. Shaun: *What*...
Yoda: Soon will I rest, yes, forever sleep. Earned it I have. Luke: Master Yoda, you can't die. Yoda: Ah, strong am I with the Force, but not that strong. Twilight is upon me, and soon, night must fall. That is the way of things. The way of the Force...
Sandy: A guy named Les is sending you flowers? Michael Dorsey: Yes. He's a friend of mine. He can't eat candy. He's diabetic. Sandy: Why is he thanking you for a lovely night in front of the fire. Michael Dorsey: [long pause] My minds a blank. Sandy:...
Capone: I want you to get this fuck where he breathes! I want you to find this nancy-boy Eliot Ness, I want him DEAD! I want his family DEAD! I want his house burned to the GROUND! I wanna go there in the middle of the night and I wanna PISS ON HIS A...
Police Officer Edith: [after Carl gets back from the courtroom, at night] Sorry, Mr. Fredricksen. You don't seem like a public menace to me. Take this. [she hands him a Shady Oaks Retirement Village brochure] Police Officer Edith: The guys from Shady...
Nick: Who did the painting? George: Some Greek with a mustache Martha attacked one night. Nick: It's got a... George: Quiet intensity? Nick: Well, no, a... George: Well then, a certain noisy relaxed quality maybe? Nick: No, what I meant was... George...
Igor: You know, I'll never forget my old dad. When these things would happen to him... the things he'd say to me. Dr. Frederick Frankenstein: What did he say? Igor: "What the hell are you doing in the bathroom day and night? Why don't you get out of ...
One night, I lay awake for hours, just terrified. When the dawn finally came up - the comfortable blue sky, the familiar world returning - I could think of no other way to express my relief than through poetry. I made a decision there and then that i...
Before I started doing '30 Rock', I did about 25 movies. I'd always been doing stand-up every night, and then I would do, like, two to four movies a year. So I really liked doing that, and I want to get back to that, but because of the time commitmen...
Lisa "One Night" Standing: This tell us how much radiation we're getting? Alan "Hippy" Carnes: Whoa. Whoa. Whoa. I'm not going near no radiation. No way. Catfish De Vries: Aw Hippy, you pussy. Alan "Hippy" Carnes: Yeah, what good is the money, six mo...
[from teaser] Bruce Wayne: They told me there was nothing out there, nothing to fear. But the night my parents were murdered I caught a glimpse of something. I've looked for it ever since. I went around the world, searched in all the shadows. And the...
Richard Vernon: You think about this: when you get old, these kids - when *I* get old - they're going to be running the country. Carl: Yeah. Richard Vernon: Now this is the thought that wakes me up in the middle of the night. That when I get older, t...
Brandon: Lana, you are one cranky girl. Lana: Yeah, well, you'd be cranky, too, Mister I'm Going To Memphis Graceland Tennessee, if you were stuck in a town where there's nothing to do but go bumper skiing and chase bats every night of your evil fuck...
Doughboy: We got a problem here? We got a problem, nigga? [Ferris and gang take a step back] Ferris: Put the gun away, nigga. Female Club Member: Can we have one night where there ain't no fightin'; nobody gets shot? Doughboy: Shut up, bitch!
Amber Waves: [having sex, filming a porno] Oh, John. You're a wonderful actor. Dirk: It's okay to come? Amber Waves: Are you ready to come? Dirk: Yeah. Amber Waves: Come in me. Dirk: What? Amber Waves: I'm fixed. I want you to come in me. Dirk: Okay....
Little Bill: [while shooting a scene, Dirk ejaculated inside Amber] We missed the cum shot. He came inside her. Maybe we could go to stock footage, or... Jack Horner: Are you crazy? It won't match! Dirk: Jack? I can do it again if you need a closeup.
[Lord Bottoms had claimed the right of Prima Nocte and raped Morrison's bride on the first night of their marriage] Morrison: Do you remember me? Lord Bottoms: [scared] I never did her any harm. It was my right! Morrison: Your right? Well, I'm here t...
After you do a joke a few times, you have material that you know works. Although sometimes I have a joke that has worked a bunch of times and then one night it'll flop. And that's when I really take a hard look at myself and say: 'Well, that crowd is...
My skin is really sensitive, so I don't use too much on it. I'm actually really bad at washing my face. I get so lazy at night so I usually buy the Neutrogena wipes and it gets all the makeup off and its easy and that's the way to go. I hate washing ...
