[Anthony barges into the barbershop, not realizing that Todd and the Judge are there] Anthony Hope: Mr. Todd! I'm running away with Johanna! She'll marry me Sunday! [He stops short as he sees the judge in the barber's chair] Anthony Hope: [the Judge ...
[Figuring out which con to pull on Lonnegan] J.J. Singleton: I dunno know what to do with this guy, Henry. He's an Irishman who doesn't drink, doesn't smoke, and doesn't chase dames. He's a grand knight in the Knights of Columbus, and he only goes ou...
Spock Prime: You are, in fact, the Mr. Scott who postulated the theory of transwarp beaming? Scotty: That's what I'm talking about! How do you think I wound up here? Had a little debate with my instructor on relativistic physics and how it pertains t...
Christopher Pike: Mr. Spock, I'm leaving you in command of the Enterprise. Once we have transport capability and communications back up, you'll contact Starfleet and report what the hell's going on here. And if all else fails, fall back, rendezvous w...
Dr. Josiah Boone: Seems to me I knew your family, Henry. Didn't I fix your arm once when you, oh, bumped off a horse? Ringo Kid: Are you Doc Boone? Dr. Josiah Boone: I certainly am. Ah, let's see... I'd just been honorably discharged from the Union A...
[Lamia is about to cut out Yvaine's heart] Tristan: Yvaine, hold me tight and think of home. [Tristan lights his Babylon candle. They escape, but end up on a cloud in the middle of nowhere] Tristan: What the hell did you do? Yvaine: What did *I* do? ...
[outside the witches' castle] Septimus: [as he holds a sword to Tristan's throat] Who are you? What business do you have here? Tristan: [he sees the number 7 mark on Septimus' hand] Septimus... I knew your brother, Primus. Septimus: Unless you wish t...
Saddam Hussein: Let's start by building a big statue of me, right over there where that fat kid is standing. Cartman: Hey, don't call me fat buttfucker! [rays shoot from malfunctioning V-chip and kill a demon from hell] Stan: Do it Cartman! Do it! Ca...
[demonstrating a "V-Chip" planted into Cartman] Dr. Vosknocker: Now, I want you to say "doggy". Cartman: Doggy. Dr. Vosknocker: [to audience] Notice, that nothing happens. [to Cartman] Dr. Vosknocker: Now, say "Montana". Cartman: Montana. Dr. Vosknoc...
Stan Marsh: Dude, dude, wake up! [Kenny does so and gets dressed] Stan Marsh: Kenny, come on! Kenny McCormick: [muffled] Coming! Stan Marsh: Kenny! The new Terrance and Phillip movie is out! You wanna come with me? Kenny McCormick: Yeah, dude! Come o...
Kyle: Ok. Let's try this one more time. Ready, Ike? Kick the baby! Ike Broflovski: Don't kick the baby. Kyle: Kick the baby! [Kicks Ike through a window, causing it to shatter] Sheila Broflovski: Ike! You broke ANOTHER window! That's a bad baby! Baaa...
[Han answers the intercom after comandeering an attack station] Han Solo: [sounding official] Uh, everything's under control. Situation normal. Voice: What happened? Han Solo: [getting nervous] Uh, we had a slight weapons malfunction, but uh... every...
Darth Vader: He is here. Governor Tarkin: Obi-Wan Kenobi? What makes you think so? Darth Vader: A tremor in the Force. The last time I felt it was in the presence of my old master. Governor Tarkin: Surely he must be dead by now. Darth Vader: Don't un...
Gold Two: [the Y-wings are running the gauntlet toward the Death Star reactor-port] The guns - they've stopped! Gold Five: [realizes why] Stabilize your rear deflectors... Watch for enemy fighters. Gold Leader: They're coming in! Three marks at 2-10!...
Vegan Police: Freeze! Vegan Police! Vegan Police: Vegan Police! Vegan Police: Todd Ingram, you're under arrest for Veganity Violation Code Number 827: imbibing of half-and-half. Todd Ingram: That's bullroar! Vegan Police: No vegan diet, no vegan powe...
Caden Cotard: I won't settle for anything less than the brutal truth. Brutal. Brutal. Each day I'll hand you a paper, it'll tell you what happened to you that day. You felt a lump in your breast. You looked at your wife and saw a stranger, et cetera....
Buzz Lightyear: Good work, men. Two blocks down and only nineteen more to go. Mr. Potato Head: What? Rex, Hamm, Slinky Dog: Nineteen? Mr. Potato Head: Are we gonna do this all night? My parts are killing me. Buzz Lightyear: Come on, fellas. Did Woo...
[Buzz #2 and the other toys tries to get Woody back home] Buzz Lightyear: Hold it right there! All: Buzz? Buzz Lightyear #2: You again? Buzz Lightyear: Woody! Thank goodness you're all right. Woody: Buzz, what is going on? Buzz Lightyear #2: [throws ...
Bithiah: I am the Pharaoh's daughter, and this is my son. He shall be reared in my house as the prince of the two lands. Memnet: My mother and her mother before her were branded into the Pharaoh's service. I will not see you make this son of slaves a...
Moses: [Moses opened the door, after Bithiah knocked] Bithiah. Bithiah: In fear of your God, they have set me free. May a stranger enter? Moses: There are no strangers among those who seek God's mercy. Bithiah: My bearers? Moses: All who thirst for f...
Travis Bickle: I would say he has quite a few problems. His energy seems to go in the wrong places. When I walked in and I saw you two sitting there, I could just tell by the way you were both relating that there was no connection whatsoever. And I f...
