Absolutely. It's something I'd eventually love. In the meantime, I just borrow all my friends' kids. It's seriously the best birth control in the world. I'm so tired afterward, I'm like, Okay, maybe in another two years.
I tell my kids, 'I'm your father, not your friend - but I'm also the best friend you're ever going to have because no one is going to care for you the way I care about you.'
I came from a house full of books, so I took reading for granted. I was an outdoorsy little kid, too, so I got the best of both worlds by taking books up trees and reading there.
Greg starts a middle school and asks: Why is "bullies" such a big PROBLEM? And says people need to shave twice a day.
Fine! I'll throw on some clothes. Turn around. I'm in my pj's" "I'm a guy. That's like asking a kid not to glance at the candy counter.
When I was a kid in Houston, we were so poor we couldn't afford the last 2 letters, so we called ourselves po'.
The problem, kid," Shorty said, "is there is no one on either side of the fence keeping measurements about what you do. God is an idea, and the devil is us.
I used to get taxed on my allowance. Yeah, I've been taxed since I was a little kid. And at the end of the year I had to pick a charity to donate my taxes to.
I'm a way bigger worrier than I ever was before I had kids. And, you know, the stress and anxiety that can go along with motherhood, I have had to battle that.
I played soccer, and I was the kid who ran the wrong way, or I was pretending to be some sort of zebra and I would flail my arms and kick up my legs.
In most cultures, you can have a kid at 18 and it's not a big thing. It's not like, 'Oh, you've got to get a different haircut and move to the suburbs and act, like, 35.'
Someone once accused me of slumming. I don't know what that means. I play basketball. And through that, I get to see a world that is not smart-kid world.
I am always so happy to be at 'SNL.' I still feel like a kid when I'm there, like I can't believe I'm watching them make the show.
I have certain moral parameters that I do not cross in writing; I don't write about adultery or kids having premarital sex.
The things I wanted to be when I was a kid were an archeologist, because of dinosaur bones; a garbage man, because they got to ride on the side of the trucks; and a writer.
The kids are so much fun. I'm always taking a look over at what they're doing because it reminds me of when I was so small before.
When I was a kid, I'd kneel down at the side of my bed every night before I went to sleep, and my mother and I would say a Greek prayer to the Virgin Mary.
I really like to kid around, and it's my own way of concentrating. In order for me to be able to feel better and concentrate, I need everybody else around me to be relaxed.
I think the Republicans are subverted by the fact that so many of their leaders send their kids to private schools, they don't really have the stomach for the fight.
You know, not everybody can afford to pay $58 for prime rib or $650 for a bottle of wine. My friends and I cook for regular families who worry about feeding their kids and paying the bills.
When I was younger I saw a movie called 'Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid' with Paul Newman and Robert Redford. Those two actors and that movie was my inspiration to want to be an actor.
