I don't know who made the first Aquaman joke. I'm sure it was comics readers; maybe we all did. But it's the idea that the perpetuated story of Aquaman is that he only has powers in water, and he talks to fish. I think it's the idea of him in the mid...
I did a 'Last Comic Standing' audition in 2006, where you're just performing for three people in a comedy club, in a big comedy club, and I remember them cutting me off, asking about my name in the middle of one of my jokes. Yeah, it's just real weir...
A Dr of the veterinary college at Utrecht... finds it a less arduous task to mount Pegasus (evidently borrowed from the veterinary school) and to proclaim in his how, during his bold fight to the top of the chemical Parnassus, the atoms appeared to h...
Growing up the son of a director has made me very aware of the various turns that a directing career can take. Sometimes your films turn out exactly as you want. Sometimes they don't. I spent a lot of my childhood on sets. I think as a joke, my fathe...
She The voices of your whisper The images of your memory The Music of your Laugh The Portrait of your Smile Are dancing on my Mind The Love The Warmth of your Breath The Sensation of your Touch The Presence of your Absence Are my desire The Knowledge...
It is back to basics here,’ Jason said. ‘What women seek to find in a man is dictated by evolution and the role of the man as a hunter gatherer. Women want a bad boy who will treat them well but not so well that they will have nothing to bitch ab...
He Zhiwu, Cop 223: We split up on April Fool's Day. So I decided to let the joke run for a month. Every day I buy a can of pineapple with a sell-by date of May 1. May loves pineapple, and May 1 is my birthday. If May hasn't changed her mind by the ti...
[Lau announces that he's removed all the mob's cash from their banks before the police raid, and stashed them in a secure location] Lau: For obvious reasons, I couldn't wait for your permission. Rest assured, your money is safe. [From outside comes t...
Alex: You make sex often with American girl? Jonathan: Not really. Alex: What is mean by "not really?" Jonathan: I'm not a priest, but I'm not John Holmes either. Alex: I have heard of this John Holmes. He has premium penis. Jonathan: Yes, he did. Al...
Annie Brackett: [Michael Myers' car cruises by the girls walking home from school] Hey, jerk! Speed kills! [the car screeches to a halt] Annie Brackett: God, can't he take a joke? Laurie: You know Annie some day you're going to get us all in deep tro...
Mme. Gilot: [sharing their meal with homeless convict] What crime did you commit? Jean Valjean: Maybe I killed someone... How do you know I'm not going to murder *you*? Bishop: How do you know *I'm* not going to murder *you*? Jean Valjean: What's tha...
Wladyslaw Szpilman: It's an official decree, no Jews allowed in the parks. Dorota: What, are you joking? Wladyslaw Szpilman: No, I'm not. I would suggest we sit down on a bench, but that's also an official decree, no Jews allowed on benches. Dorota: ...
Nice Guy Eddie: [on the phone as he drives to the warehouse] All I know is what Vic told me. He said the place turned into a fucking bullet festival. He took a cop as hostage, just to get the fuck outta there. [pause] Nice Guy Eddie: Do I sound like ...
Sherlock Holmes: And chambermaids were once such a liberal breed. Constable Clark: My wife's a chambermaid, sir. [uncomfortable silence] Constable Clark: Anyhow, it's a good thing she was offended, sir. Otherwise we'd never have found you. Sherlock H...
Travis Bickle: I should get one of those signs that says "One of these days I'm gonna get organezized". Betsy: You mean organized? Travis Bickle: Organezized. Organezized. It's a joke. O-R-G-A-N-E-Z-I-Z-E-D... Betsy: Oh, you mean organezized. Like th...
Lt. Hookstratten: This is our monthly "At Ease" weekend. It gives us a chance to let our hair down, although I see you've got a head start in that department. I shouldn't talk, though, I'm getting a little shaggy myself. I'd better not stand too clos...
[US income tax returns are due in 2 days, but Swigert is 200,000 miles away] Jack Swigert: Uh, well, if anyone from the, uh, from the IRS is watching, I... forgot to file my, my, my 1040 return. Um, I meant to do it today, but, uh... Sy Liebergot: [b...
Meurice: [to Ray] Look. Personally I don't give a shit. I know Marty's a hard-on but you gotta do something. I don't know; give the money back, say you're sorry, or get the fuck out of here, or something... It's very humiliating, preaching about this...
Jokes and media slurs about rape and its survivors not only desensitize the issue but also have an impact on rape conviction rates! "Widespread “myths and stereotypes” about rape victims may give jurors “preconceived ideas” that could affect ...
Alec," Magnus said. He put a hand on his boyfriend’s shoulder; Alec was standing still, staring angrily at the floor. "Are you okay?" Alec looked at him. "Who are you again?" Magnus gave a little gasp; he looked — for the first time Simon could r...
It was a strange feeling going into a church I did not know for a service that I did not really believe in, but once inside I couldn't help a feeling of warmth and security. Outside there were wars and road accidents and murders, striptease clubs and...
