[Batman slams The Joker's head on the table] The Joker: Never start with the head. The victim gets all fuzzy. He can't feel the next... [Batman punches the Joker's hand. The Joker pauses for a moment waiting for it to hurt] The Joker: See?
Mike Engel: [kidnapped by the Joker, Engel is reading a prepared statement] "I'm Mike Engel for Gotham Tonight. What does it take to make you people join in? You failed to kill the lawyer. I've got to get you off the bench..." The Joker: Bench... Mik...
The Joker: [the Joker has Brain Douglas captured and is recording him] Tell them your name. Brian: Brian... Douglas. The Joker: Are you the real Batman? Brian: No. The Joker: No? Brian: No. The Joker: No? Then why do you dress up like him? [grabs Bri...
[Batman slams The Joker's head on a table] The Joker: Never start with the head, the victim gets all fuzzy. He can't feel the next... [Batman slams a fist down on Joker's hand] The Joker: See?
The Joker: Gotham City Cathedral, transportation for two. Helicopter Goon: Right away, sir? The Joker: Five minutes. Helicopter Goon: Five minutes. [Joker raises his head to look at the top of the Cathedral] The Joker: Better make it ten.
The Joker: [Batman slams The Joker's head on a table] Never start with the head, the victim gets all fuzzy. He can't feel the next... [Batman slams a fist down on Joker's hand; pause] The Joker: See?
The joker confesses.
The Joker: [Talking to Bob] You [heavy breathing] The Joker: are my number one [heavy breathing] The Joker: guy.
Gambol: [to The Joker] Give me one reason why I shouldn't have my boy here pull your head off. The Joker: How about a magic trick? [pulls out a pencil and sticks it upright into the table] The Joker: I'm gonna make this pencil disappear. [Gambol's th...
Grissom: That you, sugar bumps? [turns around to see a man] Grissom: Who the hell are you? Joker: It's me, Sugar bumps. Grissom: Jack? Oh, oh, thank God you're alive! I heard you'd been... Joker: Fried? Is that what you heard? You set me up over a wo...
Batman: Where is Dent? The Joker: You have all these rules and you think they'll save you. Lt. James Gordon: [Batman slams the Joker against a wall] He's in control. Batman: I have one rule. The Joker: Oh, then that's the rule you'll have to break to...
Lt. James Gordon: Harvey Dent never made it home. The Joker: Of course not. Lt. James Gordon: What have you done with him? The Joker: Me? I was right here. [holds up his arms in handcuffs] The Joker: Who did you leave him with? Your people? Assuming,...
The Joker: Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. We are tonight's entertainment! I only have one question. Where is Harvey Dent? [nobody responds; The Joker walks around the room pointing with his shotgun at everyone] The Joker: You know where Harvey i...
Da Nang Hooker: Hey, baby. You got girlfriend Vietnam? Private Joker: Not just this minute. Da Nang Hooker: Well, baby, me so horny. Me so HORNY. Me love you long time. You party? Private Joker: Yeah, we might party. How much? Da Nang Hooker: Fifteen...
Animal Mother: You a photographer? Private Joker: I'm a combat correspondent. Animal Mother: Well, you seen much combat? Private Joker: [sarcastic] I've seen a little on TV. Animal Mother: You're a real comedian. Private Joker: Well, they call me the...
[Alicia sees Jack as the Joker for the first time] Joker: Honey, you'll never believe what happened to me today. [Alicia faints] Joker: Huh. [chuckles]
Gambol's Bodyguard: Yo, Gambol, there's somebody here for you. They say they just killed the Joker. Gambol's Bodyguard: They brought the body. [a body bag is brought in and dropped on the table; Gambol unzips it, revealing Joker's face] Gambol: So. F...
The Joker: If we don't deal with this now, soon little, uh, Gambol here won't be able to get a nickel for his grandma. Gambol: [explodes] Enough from the clown! [He rises to his feet; Joker does too, opening his coat to reveal a cluster of grenades, ...
The Joker: Are you the real Batman? Brian: No. The Joker: No? Then why do you dress like him? Brian: He's a symbol... that we don't have to be afraid of scum like you. The Joker: Yeah, you do, Brian. You *really* do!
The Joker: We really should stop this fighting, otherwise we'll miss the fireworks! Batman: There won't *be* any fireworks! The Joker: And here... we... go! [Silence. Nothing happens. Confused, Joker turns to look at the clock, which shows that it's ...
The Joker: [to the Chechen] Tell your men they work for me now. This is my city. The Chechen: They won't work... for a FREAK! The Joker: [pulls out a knife] Freak? Why don't we cut you up into little pieces and feed you to your pooches, hmm? And then...
