Thank you,” Simon said. “It’s a joke, Isabelle. He’s the Count. He likes counting. You know. ‘What did the Count eat today, children? One chocolate chip cookie, two chocolate chip cookies, three chocolate chip cookies . . .’” There was ...
Keep Your Pants On Some people believe the myth that if you do NOT have sex by the third date the relationship is going nowhere. What a joke!!! Why would you have sex with a complete stranger? This person could be married, a psycho, or have an intere...
One feature of the usual script for plague: the disease invariably comes from somewhere else. The names for syphilis, when it began its epidemic sweep through Europe in the last decade of the fifteenth century are an exemplary illustration of the nee...
The smallest decisions made had such profound repercussions. One ten-minute wait could save a life… Or end it… One wrong turn down the right street or one seemingly unimportant conversation, and everything was changed. It wasn’t right that each...
Lucius shrugged. "Perhaps in time you will find it useful." "Sure. I'll keep it on my shelf right next to The Idiot's Guide to Becoming a Mythical Creature.'' Lucius actually laughed. "Very funny. I didn't know you made jokes." "I'm a funny person," ...
Of course the people in the metro didn't see a thing!...what a joke! petrified ratlets! but they'll still come out to refute me! make claims!...that nothing got bombed!...squished! powdered! that the firmament was calm, and me, I imagined the whole t...
I admire nudity and I like sex, and so did a lot of people in the Thirties. But, to me, overexposure blunts the fun…Sex as something beautiful may soon disappear. Once it was a knife so finely honed the edge was invisible until it was touched and t...
Now it was Arla’s turn for astonishment. The Boy gave Perry a wide smile as he shook his hand. “You know the land you say? Up along the promontory? Good. Well, perhaps we should take you along. Do you have a horse?” “No” Perry replied. “B...
I love you.” I stared stupidly at him. Was he joking again, reciting another line from my story? I didn’t remember writing this. He leaned in and kissed me. I didn’t respond for a few seconds. My mind lagged behind what my body was feeling. “...
Okay, time to get serious. I let my smile fade slowly and lowered my pitch, as no human woman could have. “I’m not joking this time. If I see it, it’s mine, and you won’t get it back at the end of the school year.” I growled, deep and long,...
Ranger is an unusual name," she managed. "Is it a nickname?" It's a street name," Ranger said. "I was a Ranger in the army." I heard about them Rangers on TV," Grandma said. "I heard they get dogs pregnant." My father's mouth dropped open and a piece...
… that sour blend of loneliness and lust for recognition, shyness and extravagance, deep insecurity and self-intoxicated egomania, that drives poets and writers out of their rooms to seek each other out, to rub shoulders with one another, bully, jo...
Jenna is the kind of beautiful that I can get lost in. Lost from all the fucked-up-ness in my head. She’s the kind of beautiful that laughs at all my non funny jokes because she gets me. She’s the kind of beautiful that’ll put me in my place wi...
Stop!” she screamed. “Don’t hurt him.” “Back off!” Billy shouted. She yanked harder on Billy’s arm. “He isn’t a vampire anymore, idiot. Look! Do you see that big, yellow thing up in the sky? That’s called the sun. It’s shining d...
Mr. Crossley suddenly wondered why he was why he was worrying about the note. It was only a joke, after all. He cleared his throat. Everyone looked up hopefully. 'Somebody,' said Mr. Crossley, 'seems to have sent me a Halloween message.' And he read ...
[Faye draws a picture of Vincent] Faye: There you go! [everyone looks at the drawing] Jet: That's really unique Faye! Is that a mugshot or your version of Picasso? Spike: [chuckles] Hey I'll make you a deal. If anyone can catch him with that drawing,...
Animal Mother: You a photographer? Private Joker: I'm a combat correspondent. Animal Mother: Well, you seen much combat? Private Joker: [sarcastic] I've seen a little on TV. Animal Mother: You're a real comedian. Private Joker: Well, they call me the...
Harry: And that's how she got to the same party as me. Oh shit. I skipped something. Damn it. This whole robot bit. I made a big deal, then I like totally forgot. Fuck, this is bad narrating. Like my dad telling a joke. "Oh, wait back up. I forgot to...
Tigress: Shifu loved Tai Lung like he had never loved anyone before... or since. And now, he has a chance to make things right. To train the true Dragon Warrior. And he's stuck with you. A big, fat, panda, who treats it like a joke. [Po makes a sudde...
Cab Dispatcher: Where are you going? Neal: Chicago. Cab Dispatcher: Chicago? Neal: Yeah, Chicago. Cab Dispatcher: You know you're in St. Louis? Neal: Yes I do. Cab Dispatcher: Why don't you try the airlines? It's faster and you get a free meal. Neal:...
Mia: Vincent, do you still want to hear my Fox Force Five joke? Vincent: Sure, but I think I'm still a little too petrified to laugh. Mia: No, you wont laugh, 'cus it's not funny. But if you still wanna hear it, I'll tell it. Vincent: I can't wait. M...
