I was in California the first time I heard Michael Jackson wanted to record with me. I was, like, 'Nah, no way, he's too big, it can't be true.' Then I got a call from Michael's people at my hotel telling me he was interested. But I still wasn't beli...
People come up to me on the street and make some little joke - like they'll say, 'Excuse me, sir, what time is it?' And I'll say, you know, '5:15,' and they'll say, 'Hey! Made you talk!' And that's merely a way of saying, 'I know your work and I like...
Fortunato: I hate those human rights mantras! "You can't touch the scumbag..." "You can't touch the scumbag..." "Here, have some candy, scumbag..." "Take those flowers, dealer!" What a joke!
Bill Foster: [to customer at WhammyBurger] How are you enjoying your meal? [customer vomits onto tray] Bill Foster: [to manager] I think we have a critic here! I don't think she likes the special sauce, Rick... That was a joke.
Dr. Richard Kimble: Alright you guys, knock it off, there's nothing to see here and you come with me. Helen Kimble: Excuse me [to Richard] Helen Kimble: thank you, I was just down to my last joke.
Bill: Were you, uh, "working" for him at the time? The Blonde: That... is none of your business. [gets up to leave] The Blonde: I think you'd better find somebody else to start telling you little stories. Bill: Oh come on, I was just joking!
Tevye: Thank you, your honor. You are a good man. If I may say so, it's too bad you're not a Jew. Constable: [laughs] That's what I like about you, Tevye. You're always joking.
Mikael Blomkvist: I may have found something. Frode: You're joking! What have you found? Mikael Blomkvist: The last time I reported on something without being absolutely sure I lost my life savings.
Laurie: [in the Wallace house, and noises are coming from upstairs] All right you meatheads, joke's over. [silence] Laurie: Come on, Annie. That's enough. [more silence] Laurie: It's most definitely stopped being funny, now cut it out! You'll be sorr...
Growing up, I was watched by my parents and strongly critiqued. Instead of saying they loved me or showing physical attention, they would joke that I had a Roman nose - that it was roamin' all over my face. Teasing was their way of showing love, but ...
If you'd asked me then if I saw how big 'The Steve Harvey Morning Show' was going to be, I couldn't tell you. But I knew I could reach people not as a character but as Steve Harvey, because although I tell jokes for a living, I've also lived, and I t...
[to Barton, while trying to get Barton to go to Hollywood] Garland: The common man will still be here when you get back. Who knows, there may even be one or two of them in Hollywood. Barton: That's a rationalization, Garland. Garland: Barton, it was ...
I remember being a kid, and if you had to pee, well, you had to hold it until the commercial break. Then you rushed, and hopefully, if you're going to the kitchen for a snack, you'll be back before so you don't miss a line. If your sister sneezed or ...
Shaquille and I kind of joke we were the Christopher Columbus of social media. We're kind of out on a boat by ourselves going through these uncharted waters. But it's become more understood, embraced and accepted, and now it's pretty much expected by...
It happened that a fire broke out backstage in a theater. The clown came out to inform the public. They thought it was a jest and applauded. He repeated his warning. They shouted even louder. So I think the world will come to an end amid the general ...
In this funny debut, flashy Filipino fashion designer Boy Hernandez sees his American dream become a nightmare when he’s ensnared in a terrorist plot and shipped to Guantanamo. Gilvarry nails the couture scene, but Boy’s rough journey from Manolo...
The trouble with the jokes is that once they're written, I know how they're supposed to work, and all I can do is not hit them. I'm more comfortable improvising. If I have just two or three ideas and I know how the character feels, what the character...
No wonder we cannot appreciate the really central Kafka joke: that the horrific struggle to establish a human self results in a self whose humanity is inseparable from the horrific struggle. That our endless and impossible journey toward home is in f...
People think I'm selling feminism in my books, but what I'm really doing is writing advertising copy for expensive private colleges that most women can't afford anyway. Oh, and try to find a job with a major in English literature. No luck? Joke's on ...
She and Naomi had joked about the sexuality of camera apertures, that they needed to write a woman’s monograph on the symbolism and cultural relevance of the mechanics of image-making as it related to sex, so that, for example, stopping down the fi...
Oh, I don't know. I prefer to think that when they're at home, the Silent Brothers are much like us. Playing practical jokes in the Silent City, making toasted cheese-" "I hope they play charades," said Tessa Dryly. "It would seem to take advantage o...
