Centurion: You know the penalty laid down by Roman law for harboring a known criminal? Matthias: No. Centurion: Crucifixion! Matthias: Oh. Centurion: Nasty, eh? Matthias: Could be worse. Centurion: What you mean "Could be worse"? Matthias: Well, you ...
Brian: Well, why don't you go and tell him you want to be a leper again? Ex-Leper: Uh, I could do that sir, yeah. Yeah, I could do that I suppose. What I was thinking was I was going to ask him if he could make me a bit lame in one leg during the mid...
[On the run from Roman soldiers, Brain lands on a public stage prophets. Brian quickly decides to disgues himself as one] Brian: [Unsure and stuttering] Don't... pass judgement... on other people, or you might be judged yourself. Passer-by: [as if sh...
Francis: We're gettin' in through the underground heating system here, up through into the main audience chamber here, and Pilate's wife's bedroom is here. Having grabbed his wife, we inform Pilate that she is in our custody and forthwith issue our d...
Saul: You had orders to kill him and you haven't done it. Now he acts like a prophet, and you follow him! Judas: Did you hear what he said back there? Saul: Yes I heard him. We took an oath against Rome. I don't see a thing against Rome around here, ...
Fred Madison: How did you meet that asshole Andy, anyway? Renee Madison: It was a long time ago. I met him at this place called Moke's. We... became friends. He told me about a job... Fred Madison: What job? Renee Madison: Ah... I don't remember. Any...
Eowyn: Why are you doing this? The war lies to the East. You cannot leave on the eve of battle. [pause] Eowyn: You cannot abandon the men. Aragorn: Eowyn... Eowyn: We need you here. Aragorn: Why have you come? Eowyn: Do you not know? Aragorn: It is b...
Gimli: What kind of army would linger in such a place? Legolas: One that is cursed. Long ago the men of the mountain swore an oath to the last king of Gondor, to come to his aid, to fight. But when the time came, when Gondor's need was dire, they fle...
Humbert Humbert: You know, I've missed you terribly. Lolita Haze: I haven't missed you. In fact, I've been revoltingly unfaithful to you. Humbert Humbert: Oh? Lolita Haze: But it doesn't matter a bit, because you've stopped caring anyway. Humbert Hum...
Clare Quilty: Listen, didn't you... didn't you have a daughter? Didn't you have a daughter with a lovely name? Yeah! A lovely... What was it now? A lovely, lyrical, lilting name, like, uh... uh... Charlotte Haze: Lo-li-ta! Clare Quilty: Lolita, that'...
Batman: You know, I don't want to spoil the party but, does anyone notice that we're stuck in the middle of the ocean on this couch? Do you know what kind of sunburn I'm going to get? None, 'cause I'm covered in latex, but you guys are going to get s...
[Sunshine has brought her widow sisters] Sunshine: It is very sad. They have no husbands and they cry. Jack Crabb: Well, that's too bad; I'm sorry. Sunshine: Digging Bear had a baby and lost it. And so did Corn Woman. But Little Elk had no baby at al...
Ursula: Oh, and there is one more thing. We haven't discussed the subject of payment. You can't get something for nothing, you know. Ariel: But I don't have any. Ursula: I'm not asking much. Just a token really, a trifle. You'll never even miss it. W...
Prince Eric: Well, what do you say? Would you like to join me on a tour of my kingdom tomorrow? [Ariel nods with delight] Grimsby: Wonderful! Now, let's eat before this crab wanders off my plate. [He puts his fork down onto his plate and is surprised...
Frodo: I wish the ring had never come to me. I wish none of this had happened. Gandalf: So do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given to us. There are other f...
Gimli: [upon leaving Lorien and Galadriel] I have been dealt a wound beyond all healing, for I have looked the last... upon that which was fairest. [sighs] Gimli: Henceforth I will call nothing fair unless it be her gift to me. Legolas: What was it? ...
Frodo: [listening to the shrieks of the Black Riders] What are they? Aragorn: They were once Men. Great kings of Men. Then Sauron the Deceiver gave to them nine rings of power. Blinded by their greed, they took them without question, one by one falli...
[Gandalf touches the stone surface of the walls of Moria] Gandalf: Now, let's see... Ithildin. It mirrors only starlight and moonlight. [moonlight shines on the wall, and the doors are revealed] Gandalf: It reads: The doors of Durin, Lord of Moria. S...
Gandalf: [after failing to open the magical doors of Moria] I once knew every spell in all the tongues of Elves... Men... and Orcs. Pippin: What are you going to do, then? Gandalf: Knock your head against these doors, Peregrin Took! And if that does ...
Simon Graham: [first lines] Simon Graham: [narrating] They say Japan was made by a sword. They say the old gods dipped a coral blade into the ocean, and when they pulled it out four perfect drops fell back into the sea, and those drops became the isl...
[last lines] Simon Graham: [narrating] And so the days of the Samurai had ended. Nations, like men, it is sometimes said, have their own destiny. As for the American Captain, no one knows what became of him. Some say that he died of his wounds. Other...
