Quotes of: Information-age Keyword

A few years ago I dropped off the face of the earth. Then I came back the next day to pick it up. Unfortunately, it was stained red with love.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

While they had security escort me out of the building, they couldn’t forcibly remove the trophy from my anus. If love were a competition, I’d be the winner.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

I welcome all You’re Welcomes with open arms and open zippers. My love for her is sandwiched between two slices of Thank You.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

I shed my clothes like a garage doesn’t shed—and a shed doesn’t garage. Then we made love like neighbors, so close, yet separated by several barriers.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

The best part about falling in love with a slab of meatloaf is now I get to use my ketchup-dispensing backpack when making love.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Your leftover meatloaf makes me horny. Let us make love like the first squirt from a new bottle of ketchup.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Love is the walrus I crayon with like it’s the Eifel Tower. I know, love doesn’t make much sense to me, either.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Love is a four-letter word. So is glue, only it isn’t as sticky. And I must admit, I still eat it all the time.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

There’s no room for love in my life. My car trunk is already full of groceries, a spare tire, and two kidnap victims.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

I knew we were destined to be lovers from the moment she tied me up and stuffed me in the trunk of her car.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

As a lover I aim to please, and afterwards I aim at the toilet. Sometimes I miss, but no matter what, you’ll always receive splatters of intimacy.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Yesterday I shat rainbows until my anus started bleeding from a unicorn’s horn. 
Ah, the joys of being in love.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

I saw her from across the room, and I knew I was in love. I also knew why I’d seen no urinals, as I was clearly in the wrong bathroom.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

I think I found the love of my life. Boy, I’m glad I cleaned out my fish tank.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

I didn’t have time to grow out a beard, so I glued a wig on instead. I make love like a hare in a tortoise shell.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

We made love like steam meets mist. My memory is foggy, but I know I inhaled her essence like smoke.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

Don’t keep me in the dark—let me take off my honorary Helen Keller blindfold and let’s make love like we have no senses except nonsense.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

I’d dig a hole the size of the grand canyon to find a love the size of an acorn, and I’d use a shovel the size of a squirrel.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

My love smells like an empty mayonnaise jar. It ought to, because that’s where I store it. Coincidentally, my love also looks and tastes like mayonnaise.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

I drink coffee like other men paint pictures of naked women. I do it because I love the full body.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.

A lightning bolt is sharper than an axe, because it’ll chop down a tree with one strike. My love is like that too—good for making firewood.

Love quotes for the ages. Specifically ages 18-81.