Turk Malloy: Watch it, bud. Virgil Malloy: Who you calling bud, pal? Turk Malloy: Who you calling pal, friend? Virgil Malloy: Who you calling friend, jackass? Turk Malloy: Don't call me a jackass. Virgil Malloy: I just did call you a jackass.
Sue Barlow: So is it marriage that scares you two, or putting down roots? Boss Spearman: No. Who'd have him? All rangy and mangy like a rough old dog. Charley Waite: How about I hold your head under water for just a little while?
Milton Waddams: Mr. Lumbergh told me to talk to payroll and then payroll told me to talk to Mr. Lumbergh and I still haven't received my paycheck and he took my stapler and he never brought it back and then they moved my desk to storage room B and th...
[a mine worker, formerly one of the Tuskegee Airmen, almost gets hit when he watches Homer launch a rocket] Leon Bolden: Homer, I flew with the Red Tails in World War II. And seein' that rocket come at me... it almost took me back there.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well, I guess hard times flush the chump. Everybody's lookin' for answers... Where the hell's he goin'? [as Delmar runs out to be baptized] Pete: Well, I'll be a son of a bitch. Delmar's been saved!
Big Dan Teague: Thank you boys for throwin' in that fricassee. I'm a man of large appetite, and even with lunch under my belt, I was feelin' a mite peckish. Ulysses Everett McGill: It's our pleasure, Big Dan.
Jill: But... but those were his men. Harmonica: Yeah. Jill: And they tried to kill him. Harmonica: They must've found someone who pays better. Jill: And you... You saved his life! Harmonica: I didn't let them kill him, and that's not the same thing.
[the condemned men are awaiting execution] Corporal Paris: See that cockroach? Tomorrow morning, we'll be dead and it'll be alive. It'll have more contact with my wife and child than I will. I'll be nothing, and it'll be alive. [Ferol smashes the roa...
Martin Sixsmith: What you're talking about is what they call a human interest story; I don't do those. Jane: Why not? Martin Sixsmith: Because "human interest story" is a euphemism for stories about weak-minded, vulnerable, ignorant people, to fill i...
[King is writing a letter to his girlfriend] Francis: It ain't D-E-R-E, it's D-E-A-R. And "Sarah" ain't got no two R's, King. Damn, you dumb! King: It don't make no difference. She know what I mean. She don't read too good nohow.
Regina: Quiet please. Quiet. Order, order! Please! Halina: She's a lawyer, she likes order. Regina: Listen, just listen. The watch we put under the flower pots and the money we stuff in the violin. Father: Will I still be able to play? Wladyslaw Szpi...
Foulfellow: [seeing a poster for Stromboli's puppet show] Well, well, well! Stromboli! So that old rascal's back in town, eh? [to Gideon] Foulfellow: Remember the time I put strings on you and passed you off as a puppet? [laughs] Foulfellow: We nearl...
Norrington: No additional shot nor powder, a compass that doesn't point north, [looks at Jack's sword] Norrington: And I half expected it to be made of wood. You are without doubt the worst pirate I've ever heard of. Jack Sparrow: But you have heard ...
Jack Sparrow: [upon seeing Elizabeth plunge into the ocean] Will you be saving her then? Mullroy: I can't swim. [Jack looks at Murtogg... no he won't do either] Jack Sparrow: Pride of the King's navy you are. Do not lose these.
Marjane's grandmother: Listen. I don't like to preach, but here's some advice. You'll meet a lot of jerks in life. If they hurt you, remember it's because they're stupid. Don't react to their cruelty. There's nothing worse than bitterness and revenge...
C. K. Dexter Haven: [looking for the "hair of the dog"] Do you s'pose, sir, speaking of eye-openers...? Uncle Willie: Oh, that's the first sane remark I've heard today. C'malong, Dexter, I know a formula that's said to pop the pennies off the eyelids...
Macaulay Connor: [calling outside his house] C.K. Dexter Haven! Oh, C.K. Dexter Haven! C. K. Dexter Haven: [coming to the door in his pajamas] What's up? Macaulay Connor: You are. C. K. Dexter Haven: I only hope it's worth it. Come in.
Patton: Thirty years from now, when you're sitting around your fireside with your grandson on your knee and he asks you, "What did you do in the great World War II," you won't have to say, "Well... I shoveled shit in Louisiana."
[Visiting an ancient battlefield] Patton: The Carthaginians defending the city were attacked by three Roman legions. The Carthaginians were proud and brave but they couldn't hold. They were massacred. Arab women stripped them of their tunics and thei...
Col. Gen. Alfred Jodl: In 15 minutes, we meet with the Fuhrer. He will want to know how you intend to deal with Patton's forces. Field Marshal Erwin Rommel: I will attack and annihilate him...! [long pause] Field Marshal Erwin Rommel: ...before he do...
Patton: You know, Dick, if I had my way, I'd meet Rommel face to face; him in his tank and me in mine. We'd meet out there somewhere... salute each other, maybe drink a toast, then we'd button up and do battle. The winner would decide the outcome of ...
