Wife of Guest #4: We have to go - um - I'm having rather heavy period. [awkward pause] Guest #4: And... we... have a train to catch. Wife: Yes... of course. We have a train to catch. And I don't want to start bleeding over the seats.
Leonard Shelby: Sammy Jankis wrote himself endless notes. But he'd get mixed up. I've got a more graceful solution to the memory problem. I'm disciplined and organized. I use habit and routine to make my life possible. Sammy had no drive. No reason t...
Janeway: [Referring to his dead brother] What did he do? Babe: He was in the oil business. Janeway: Wrong. I know exactly how Doc made his living, and the closest he ever came to the oil business was when he filled up at the friendly neighborhood gas...
Danny Witwer: Looks like we won't be working together after all, John. Now put the gun down. I don't hear a red ball. [Sirens begin going off, the same sirens that usually indicate a red ball- Witwer's smile drops]
Faster Doudle, Able Seaman: [as he examines the Galapagos through his telescope] I can't see any women. Just ducks and lizards. Nehemiah Slade, Able Seaman: [he snatches the telescope to see for himself] What, no women? It ain't natural.
Lock, Shock, Barrel: Kidnap Mr. Sandy Claws? Lock: I wanna do it. Barrel: Let's draw straws! Shock: Jack said we should work together. Barrel: Three of a kind. Lock: Birds of a feather. Lock, Shock, Barrel: Now and forever!
Ed Tom Bell: Here last week they found this couple out in California. They rent out rooms for old people, kill'em, bury'em in the yard, cash their social security checks. Well, they'd tortur'em first, I don't know why. Maybe the television set was br...
[Sheba is going to see her son perform in his school play, but Barbara demands that she must instead go with her to the vet to see her cat put down] Richard Hart: My condolences! Poor, poor, pussy! Now can I have my wife back, please?
Milton Waddams: Mr. Lumbergh told me to talk to payroll and then payroll told me to talk to Mr. Lumbergh and I still haven't received my paycheck and he took my stapler and he never brought it back and then they moved my desk to storage room B and th...
[a mine worker, formerly one of the Tuskegee Airmen, almost gets hit when he watches Homer launch a rocket] Leon Bolden: Homer, I flew with the Red Tails in World War II. And seein' that rocket come at me... it almost took me back there.
Ulysses Everett McGill: Well, I guess hard times flush the chump. Everybody's lookin' for answers... Where the hell's he goin'? [as Delmar runs out to be baptized] Pete: Well, I'll be a son of a bitch. Delmar's been saved!
Regina: Quiet please. Quiet. Order, order! Please! Halina: She's a lawyer, she likes order. Regina: Listen, just listen. The watch we put under the flower pots and the money we stuff in the violin. Father: Will I still be able to play? Wladyslaw Szpi...
[Visiting an ancient battlefield] Patton: The Carthaginians defending the city were attacked by three Roman legions. The Carthaginians were proud and brave but they couldn't hold. They were massacred. Arab women stripped them of their tunics and thei...
[Looking over the destruction of the airfield] Dietrich: Get the Ark away from this place immediately! Have it put on the truck! We will fly it out of Cairo! And Gobler, I want plenty of protection! Gobler: Jawohl, Herr Ob... [Gobler is interrupted m...
Roman Castevet: No pope ever visits a city where the newspapers are on strike. Minnie Castevet: I heard he's gonna postpone and wait till it's over. Guy Woodhouse: Well, that's showbiz. Roman Castevet: That's exactly what it is: all the costumes, the...
Eric Sevareid: [broadcasting] There's another hold from NASA, another delay. Alan Shepard sits there, patiently waiting. What can be going through a man's mind at this moment? [cut to Shepard in his space capsule] Alan Shepard: Gordo?... Gordo, I hav...
[Gordo has been ordered to provide a sperm sample] Gordon Cooper: Yeah, but uh, nurse, how am I supposed to uh... Nurse Murch: The best results seem to be obtained through fantasization, accompanied by masturbation, followed by ejaculation. Gordon Co...
Luke: [clinging to an antennae below Cloud City] Leia... Hear me, Leia... Princess Leia: [in the Falcon] Luke... We've got to go back. Lando: What? Princess Leia: I know where Luke is!
Lando: Punch it! [Chewbacca attempts to engage the hyperdrive on the Millenium Falcon - it fails. Chewie and Leia both glare at Lando] Lando: They told me they fixed it! I *trusted* them to *fix* it! It's not my fault!
[Shaun nervously addresses the rest of the electronics store staff] Shaun: Now, as well as, er, Mr. Sloane being off today, I'm afraid Ash is, er, feeling a little bit, erm, under the weather. So I will be taking charge as the, erm... Noel: ...oldest...
[last lines] James T. Kirk: Where should we go? Spock: As a mission of this duration has never been attempted, I defer to your good judgment Captain. James T. Kirk: Mr. Sulu, take us out! Sulu: Aye, Captain.
