Bill Murray: You are staring at me. It's a hairpiece! It's a piece. Wichita: It's - I'm sorry. No, it's just that you look remarkably like Eddie Van Halen. Bill Murray: I just saw Eddie Van Halen. Wichita: Nuh-uh. Tallahassee: Really? Bill Murray: Ye...
Aron Ralston: [upon first meeting] I can take you that way if you like... Kristi, Megan: [apprehensive silence] Aron Ralston: Oh, sorry. The, uh - Friday the 13th there. [removes scarf from his face] Kristi, Megan: [nervous laughs] Aron Ralston: [t...
Juror #8: Let me ask you this: Do you really think the boy'd shout out a thing like that so the whole neighborhood could hear him? I don't think so - he's much to bright for that. Juror #10: Bright? He's a common ignorant slob. He don't even speak go...
Juror #3: That business before when that tall guy, what's-his-name, was trying to bait me? That doesn't prove anything. I'm a pretty excitable person. I mean, where does he come off calling me a public avenger, sadist and everything? Anyone in his ri...
Patroller: [in a vain attempt to escape, Solomon runs into some patrollers who are fixing to hang a trio of slaves] Boy, where are you going? Solomon Northup: To the store, Sir, to Bartholomew's. I was sent there by Mistress Epps. Patroller: [the pat...
King Leonidas: [on being told the Persians are coming to parley] Captain, I leave you in charge. Captain: But, sire... King Leonidas: Relax, old friend. If they assassinate me, all of Sparta goes to war. Pray they're that stupid. Pray we're that luck...
Marilyn Lovell: [Barbara has locked herself in her room] Barbara! [Knocks on the door] Marilyn Lovell: Barbara, we're going to hear your father's broadcast! Barbara Lovell: No! I'm never coming out! I hate Paul! None of us are ever going to play anot...
Addison DeWitt: And what's your name? Phoebe: Phoebe. Addison DeWitt: Phoebe? Phoebe: I call myself Phoebe. Addison DeWitt: And why not? Tell me, Phoebe, do you want someday to have an award like that of your own? Phoebe: More than anything else in t...
Dick Liddil: Did you cook this, ma'am? Sarah Hite: I've got a nigga woman. Major George Hite: [short of hearing] How's that? Sarah Hite: [louder and slower] Dick asked if I cooked this! Major George Hite: Did ya? Sarah Hite: ...No! Wood Hite: [whispe...
Don Fernando de Guzman: All the land to our left and all the land to our right now belongs to us. I solemnly and formally take possession of all this land. Our country is already six times larger than Spain, and every day we drift makes it bigger. Do...
Joe: [wearing sunglasses at night with two other members of the Pharoh's gang] Whadaya doin' creep? Curt Henderson: Who, me? Joe: No, I'm talkin' to the other fifty creeps here. You know Gil Gonzales? Curt Henderson: Gil Gonzales? No. No, I don't. Jo...
[Much is just leaving to head Dickon off] Much-the-Miller's-Son: [to Bess] Come on, lass! Give us a kiss and wish me luck! [Bess kisses him and then smacks his face] Bess: 'Urry up and take that ugly face of yours out of 'ere! [Much turns to go] Bess...
Otter: Let me give you a hint. She's got a couple of major-league yabbos. Boon: Beverly! Otter: No. But you're getting warmer. Here's another: "Oh God, Oh God, OH GOD!" Boon: Marlene! Don't tell me you're gonna pork Marlene Desmond! Otter: Pork? Boon...
Ripley: Van Leuwin, why don't you just check out LV426? Van Leuwin: Because I don't have to. There have been people living there for 20 years and they've never complained about any hostile organisms. Ripley: What do you mean? What people? Van Leuwin:...
Mortimer Brewster: I saw a play last week, it had a character in it, reminded me of Jonathon. Abby Brewster: Oh, really? Mortimer Brewster: Yeah, a honey of a lunatic. One of those whodunits called "Murder Will Out". Abby Brewster: Oh, dear! Mortimer...
Aladdin: Hey... can you make me a prince? Genie: [opens 'Royal Recipes' book] Uh, let's see. "Chicken à la King"? [chuckles] Genie: Nope. "Alaskan king crab". [pulls out a crab clamped to his finger] Genie: [flicking it off] Ow. I hate when they do ...
Antonio Salieri: [reflecting upon a Mozart score] On the page it looked nothing. The beginning simple, almost comic. Just a pulse. Bassoons and basset horns, like a rusty squeezebox. And then suddenly, high above it, an oboe. A single note, hanging t...
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: Why must I submit samples of my work to some stupid committee just to teach a thirteen-year-old girl? Count Von Strack: Because His Majesty wishes it. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: Is the emperor angry with me? Count Von Strack: Q...
Judge Weaver: For the benefit of the jury, but more especially for the spectators, The garment mentioned in the testimony was, to be exact, Mrs. Manion's panties. [spectators roar with laughter] Judge Weaver: I wanted to get your snickering over and ...
Ben Bradlee: Where's the goddamn story? Bob Woodward: The money's the key to whatever this is. Ben Bradlee: Says who? Howard Simons: Deep Throat. Ben Bradlee: Who? Howard Simons: Oh, that's Woodward's garage freak; his source in the executive departm...
Bob Woodward: Gordon Liddy was fired by Mitchell because he wouldn't talk to the F.B.I. Deep Throat: You'll hear more. Bob Woodward: Will he talk? Deep Throat: I was at a party once, and, uh, Liddy put his hand over a candle, and he kept it there. He...
