Charlie Kaufman: My leg hurts, I wonder if it's cancer? There's a bump. I'm starting to sweat. Stop sweating. I've got to stop sweating. Can she see it dripping down my forehead? She looked at my hair line. She thinks I'm bald. She... Valerie Thomas:...
[Directors cut ending: Ash emerges from a cave where he's been asleep for 700 years. He looks overjoyed] Ash: Ha ha. Manufactured parts. Ha... [Look of joy turns to horror as he sees a world devastated by nuclear war] Ash: No. No. Oh God I slept too ...
Felicia: I mean who is the fish that runs this bloody hotel in the middle of nowhere, anyway? Your mother? Tick: No, my wife. Felicia: Ooh, don't tell me you've got an ex-boyfriend tucked away out here somewhere. Tick: No, my wife! I'm married. [the ...
Mitzi: [about Trumpet] , You know, I never heard him play. Bernadette: Play? He didn't *play*, dear. Trumpet didn't have a single musical bone in his body. No, Trumpet had an unusually large foreskin. So large, in fact, that he could wrap the entire ...
Lloyd Richards: I shall never understand the weird process by which a body with a voice suddenly fancies itself as a mind. Just when exactly does an actress decide they're HER words she's speaking and HER thoughts she's expressing? Margo Channing: Us...
Detective Trupo: When was the last time I was in New Jersey? Let me think, never, what are you doing coming over here unannounced? You think you're going to get hurt doing that? you got your fucking money, never come into this city unannounced, you c...
Girl in Studebaker: You got a bitchin' car. John Milner: Yeah, I know. Girl in Studebaker: In fact, your car's so neat, we're gonna give you our special prize. You want me to give it to you? John Milner: Sweetheart, if the prize is you, I'm a ready t...
John Milner: What the hell's goin' on here, Toad? Hey, man, are you all right? Terry Fields: Yeah, I'll die soon, then it'll all be over, John. Debbie Dunham: Wow, you're just like the Lone Ranger. John Milner: Yeah, yeah. Listen, are you with him? T...
[last lines] John Milner: I know, uh... you probably think you're a big shot, goin' off like this... John Milner: [he slaps Curt] ... but you're still a punk. Curt Henderson: OK, John... So long... So long! [Steve, Terry, Laurie and John wish Curt go...
[Annie's family and Alvy's family converse through a split screen] Mom Hall: How do you plan to spend the holidays, Mrs. Singer? Alvy's Mom: We fast. Dad Hall: Fast? Alvy's Dad: No food. You know, to atone for our sins. Mom Hall: What sins? I don't u...
Will Scarlett: I'm tired. Robin Hood: What? After a nice refreshing sleep in the green wood? Will Scarlett: I pulled seven acorns out of my ribs. Robin Hood: Lovely, fresh air... Will Scarlett: My teeth ache with chattering. Robin Hood: Nightingales ...
[Flounder has just fired a blank cartridge near Neidermeyer's horse, and the horse has dropped dead] Bluto: Holy shit! D-Day: There were blanks in that gun! Flounder: I didn't even point the gun at him! Bluto: Holy shit! [D-Day checks the gun] D-Day:...
[last lines] Ripley: Final report of the commercial starship Nostromo, third officer reporting. The other members of the crew, Kane, Lambert, Parker, Brett, Ash and Captain Dallas, are dead. Cargo and ship destroyed. I should reach the frontier in ab...
Dallas: Now, this air shaft may work to our advantage. Here. It leads up to and comes out in the main airlock. All right, there's only one big opening along the way, we can cover that up, and then we... drive it into the airlock and zap it into outer...
Genie: But, oh, to be free! Not to have to go "Poof! What do you need?", "Poof! What do you need?", "Poof! What do you need?" To be my own master. Such a thing would be greater than all the magic and all the treasures in all the world! But what am I ...
[first lines] Truck Driver: That way is Proctor, and over here is the moors. I go this way. Jack: Thanks for the ride, sir. You have lovely sheep. Truck Driver: Boys, keep off the moors, stick to the roads. The best to ya... David: Thanks again. [the...
Mr. Collignon: [whispering to Amelie] Bre-to-deau. But if I say it, it won't count. I'm senile. Mrs. Collignon: Ignore him. He's senile. See what he's done to my laurel? His old job was punching metro tickets. Now he gets up every night to punch hole...
Emanuel Schikaneder: Look, I asked you if we could start rehearsals next week and you said yes. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: Well, we can. Emanuel Schikaneder: So let me see it. Where is it? Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: Here. It's all right here in my noodle...
Paul Biegler: Mr. Paquette, what would you call a man with an insatiable penchant for women? Alphonse Paquette: A what? Paul Biegler: A penchant... a desire... taste... passion? Alphonse Paquette: Well, uh, ladies' man, I guess. Or maybe just a damn ...
Lt. Frederick Manion: [Roars at "Duke" Miller, who has just given his testimony] You're a *liar!* You're a *lousy, stinking liar!* Paul Biegler: I apologize to the court for my client's outburst. But it's almost excusable, since the prosecution has s...
Willard: [voice-over] Everybody wanted me to do it, him most of all. I felt like he was up there, waiting for me to take the pain away. He just wanted to go out like a soldier, standing up, not like some poor, wasted, rag-assed renegade. Even the jun...
