I have to choose what I detest - either dreaming which my intelligence hates, or action, which my sensibility loathes; either action, for which I wasn't born, or dreaming, for which no one was born. Detesting both, I choose neither; but since I must ...
I had a dream about you. My pee was cloudy, and I brought an umbrella to the urinal. You were the Coach of the Men’s Room, and you were giving me advice on how to be a better weatherman. But I didn’t listen, because I was the arrogant five-time M...
I had a dream about you. You were sipping wine, and I was chugging vodka. I was talking to a beautiful woman, and you were trying to lick my armpit. You had a rough tongue, and I woke up to find my cat curled up next to me.
I had a dream about you. You looked like a real shark in your dolphin suit. I looked like the referee of the animal kingdom—the zebra—as I was dressed like a stack of Oreo cookies. For once I just wanted people to want me for me, and not because ...
I had a dream about you. We were both surrounded by poor people, but there was one big difference—I was poor, but you were rich. That’s why I was shocked when you tried to rob me. After all, I was one of many who voted you into power.
I had a dream about you. You wrapped the American flag around you like a towel, while I let Russia shower me with praise. The people over there really seemed to love me, probably because they are over there and I am not.
I had a dream about you. I should have waited until you were finished eating to tell you I love you, because you vomited all over my tablecloth. But that’s OK, because it was multi-colored and brown and green.
I had a dream about you. It was raining Friday nights, and my umbrella wasn’t big enough to stop us both from being saturated with Saturdays, so me being the gentleman I am, I graciously offered to soak up all the weekends, leaving you dry like the...
I had a dream about you. I was a mannequin with a record player for a head, and you were an aspiring DJ. You lusted after me and I was appreciative, because you were the first person who wanted me for what’s going on in my head, and not because I h...
I had a dream about you. I asked you to move to Ocala, and you suggested moving Ocala to where you are. I thought this was a sensible plan, so I bought cardboard boxes and shovels, to loose all the real estate we were going to have to pack up.
I had a dream about you. I was a chef and you were a buffet. The people were starving, children were dying of malnutrition, and all the politicians tried feeding them rhetoric. I suggested we save the planet, and you agreed, at least until you realiz...
I had a dream about you. You were a salesman trying to sell me clothes. I thought you were a genius, because you were naked. I tried to buy some sex, but you said you were all sold out of that. So I bought it off Amazon.com instead.
I had a dream about you. You were naked, alone, and a mannequin, and I was a tailor named Taylor. You fell in love with me, even though you knew I only wanted you for your body. And I think you should know, the sex was amazing.
I had a dream about you. You were being hung. I had a sword in one hand and a stool in the other. I couldn’t decide which one to use, so I stood on the stool and threw myself on the sword. It was the least I could do to protest capital punishment.
I had a dream about you. We went for a ride—you on all fours, and me on your back, and you didn’t like it when I kept calling you “donkey face.” I was shocked, and I said, “You should be flattered that I think you look like Miley Cyrus.”�...
I had a dream about you. You took a cruise, and I took a canoe. I paddled alongside your ship out into the Atlantic Ocean and down to the Caribbean. I shouted “I love you” the whole way, but you couldn’t hear me, probably because that man you w...
I had a dream about you. You loved me, and I loved you. We had an amazing life until you realized that I also loved your clone. You were jealous, and I didn’t see the problem—I was in love with you, even if it wasn’t you. Plus, I was in love wi...
I had a dream about you. You were a smile salesman, and I was in the market for a new grin. When you told me your prices, I thought it was a joke and I started to laugh. Then I realized you’d just given me your product for free, and I walked away w...
Do you really believe in destiny?" "How can I not believe in destiny, when there is no difference between my memories and my dreams at night? There's no difference between their reality. And if I dream something first, I remember it later when I am a...
I woke myself in the darkness, and I knew only that a dream had scared me so badly that I had to wake up or die, and yet, try as I might, I could not remember what I had dreamed. The dream was haunting me: standing behind me, present and yet invisibl...
I had a dream about you last night.. You were balancing ten tiny footballs on your nose while dancing with a turquoise unicorn.
