King Leonidas: [on being told the Persians are coming to parley] Captain, I leave you in charge. Captain: But, sire... King Leonidas: Relax, old friend. If they assassinate me, all of Sparta goes to war. Pray they're that stupid. Pray we're that luck...
Marilyn Lovell: [Barbara has locked herself in her room] Barbara! [Knocks on the door] Marilyn Lovell: Barbara, we're going to hear your father's broadcast! Barbara Lovell: No! I'm never coming out! I hate Paul! None of us are ever going to play anot...
Tick: Well, listen to this one. After we did the ABBA show, Kevin had one of those liposuction penis enlargements. Felicia: He didn't? Tick: Yep. Do you know what they do? They siphon all the fat out of your love handles, and actually inject it into ...
Addison DeWitt: And what's your name? Phoebe: Phoebe. Addison DeWitt: Phoebe? Phoebe: I call myself Phoebe. Addison DeWitt: And why not? Tell me, Phoebe, do you want someday to have an award like that of your own? Phoebe: More than anything else in t...
Dick Liddil: Did you cook this, ma'am? Sarah Hite: I've got a nigga woman. Major George Hite: [short of hearing] How's that? Sarah Hite: [louder and slower] Dick asked if I cooked this! Major George Hite: Did ya? Sarah Hite: ...No! Wood Hite: [whispe...
Don Fernando de Guzman: All the land to our left and all the land to our right now belongs to us. I solemnly and formally take possession of all this land. Our country is already six times larger than Spain, and every day we drift makes it bigger. Do...
Joe: [wearing sunglasses at night with two other members of the Pharoh's gang] Whadaya doin' creep? Curt Henderson: Who, me? Joe: No, I'm talkin' to the other fifty creeps here. You know Gil Gonzales? Curt Henderson: Gil Gonzales? No. No, I don't. Jo...
[Alvy fantasizes being in love with the Wicked Queen from Snow White] Wicked Queen: We never have any fun any more. Alvy Singer: How can you say that? Wicked Queen: Why not? You're always leaning on me to improve myself. Alvy Singer: You're just upse...
[Much is just leaving to head Dickon off] Much-the-Miller's-Son: [to Bess] Come on, lass! Give us a kiss and wish me luck! [Bess kisses him and then smacks his face] Bess: 'Urry up and take that ugly face of yours out of 'ere! [Much turns to go] Bess...
Otter: Let me give you a hint. She's got a couple of major-league yabbos. Boon: Beverly! Otter: No. But you're getting warmer. Here's another: "Oh God, Oh God, OH GOD!" Boon: Marlene! Don't tell me you're gonna pork Marlene Desmond! Otter: Pork? Boon...
Ripley: Van Leuwin, why don't you just check out LV426? Van Leuwin: Because I don't have to. There have been people living there for 20 years and they've never complained about any hostile organisms. Ripley: What do you mean? What people? Van Leuwin:...
Mortimer Brewster: I saw a play last week, it had a character in it, reminded me of Jonathon. Abby Brewster: Oh, really? Mortimer Brewster: Yeah, a honey of a lunatic. One of those whodunits called "Murder Will Out". Abby Brewster: Oh, dear! Mortimer...
Aladdin: Hey... can you make me a prince? Genie: [opens 'Royal Recipes' book] Uh, let's see. "Chicken à la King"? [chuckles] Genie: Nope. "Alaskan king crab". [pulls out a crab clamped to his finger] Genie: [flicking it off] Ow. I hate when they do ...
Antonio Salieri: [reflecting upon a Mozart score] On the page it looked nothing. The beginning simple, almost comic. Just a pulse. Bassoons and basset horns, like a rusty squeezebox. And then suddenly, high above it, an oboe. A single note, hanging t...
Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: Why must I submit samples of my work to some stupid committee just to teach a thirteen-year-old girl? Count Von Strack: Because His Majesty wishes it. Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart: Is the emperor angry with me? Count Von Strack: Q...
Judge Weaver: For the benefit of the jury, but more especially for the spectators, The garment mentioned in the testimony was, to be exact, Mrs. Manion's panties. [spectators roar with laughter] Judge Weaver: I wanted to get your snickering over and ...
Ben Bradlee: Where's the goddamn story? Bob Woodward: The money's the key to whatever this is. Ben Bradlee: Says who? Howard Simons: Deep Throat. Ben Bradlee: Who? Howard Simons: Oh, that's Woodward's garage freak; his source in the executive departm...
Bob Woodward: Gordon Liddy was fired by Mitchell because he wouldn't talk to the F.B.I. Deep Throat: You'll hear more. Bob Woodward: Will he talk? Deep Throat: I was at a party once, and, uh, Liddy put his hand over a candle, and he kept it there. He...
Tony Mendez: We've got an office, we've got business cards, we've got a poster. If I'm the Revolutionary Guard, that's nothing we couldn't have made at home. Six people's lives depend on this. It's not enough. If we're gonna fool these people, it has...
Robbie Turner: [about the letter he sent her] It was a mistake. Cecilia Tallis: Briony read it. Robbie Turner: I'm so sorry, it was the wrong version. Cecilia Tallis: Yes. Robbie Turner: It was never meant to be read. Cecilia Tallis: No. [walks away,...
Tony Stark: Does anybody remember when I put a missile through a portal, in New York City? We were standing right under it. We're the Avengers, we can bust weapons dealers the whole doo-da-day, but how do we cope with something like that? Steve Roger...
