Maxine: Let's have sex on his table and then make him eat an omelette off of it. John Malkovich: NO! [Craig regains control] Craig Schwartz (in John Malkovich): Shut up, you overrated piece of shit.
[During a job interview] Dr. Lester: Which of these two letters comes first, this one or this one? Craig Schwartz: The symbol on the left is not a letter, sir? Dr. Lester: Damn, you're good. I was trying to trick you.
Dr. Lester: Any questions? Craig Schwartz: Just one. Why are these ceilings so low? Dr. Lester: Low overhead, my boy - we pass the savings on to you! But seriously, that'll all be covered in the orientation.
Larry the Agent: John! Great to see you! Sorry about the cunt at reception. Craig Schwartz (in John Malkovich): This is my fiancée Maxine. Larry the Agent: Great to see you, Maxine. Sorry about the cunt at reception. Please have a seat.
Lotte Schwartz: We love her, Craig. Craig Schwartz: We? Lotte Schwartz: John and me. Craig Schwartz: Don't forget about me! Lotte Schwartz: Well you have a Maxine action figure to play with!
[gazing longingly at Craig as he does the filing] Floris: Oh, what magic those fingers could work on the right cabinet! Maybe you could alphabetize me. And remember, 'I' comes before 'U'.
Mitsuko: [hysterically, while being terrorized at gunpoint by Hirono] I've had it! Why does everybody always gang up on me? What did I do? Hirono: [kicks her repeatedly] Think about what you did.
Celine: Did your parents divorce? Jesse: Yeah. Finally. They should have done it a lot sooner, but they stuck together for a while for the "well-being of my sister and I", thank you very much.
Thomas Leroy: You could be brilliant, but you're a coward. Nina: I'm sorry. Thomas Leroy: [yelling] Now stop saying that! That's exactly what I'm talking about. Stop being so fucking weak!
I think the large part of the function of the Internet is it is archival. It's unreliable to the extent that word on the street is unreliable. It's no more unreliable than that. You can find the truth on the street if you work at it. I don't think of...
I've been nominated twice before as actor in a leading part. Now I'm nominated as actor in a supporting part. If I don't win, I'll just wait until I'm nominated for being in the theater during the show. Do they have one like that?
I noticed, when I taught elementary school, how true the squeaky wheel thing is, and how endearing squeaky wheels can be! Because when you're being a squeaky wheel, you're also really letting people know who you are.
I don't know much about writing a show or being a show-runner on a show, but I can only imagine that when you first cast a show and you first do a pilot, there are so many components that you're throwing into the mix and you're not sure how they're g...
Somebody said something really smart: It's like you end up being the defense attorney for your role. Your job is to defend their point of view. You're fighting for what they want. You learn that in acting school - it's Acting 1A: 'What do you want? W...
Theosophy has no code of morals, being itself the embodiment of the highest morality; it presents to its students the highest moral teachings of all religions, gathering the most fragrant blossoms from the gardens of the world-faiths.
There is no use being alive if one must work. The event from which each of us is entitled to expect the revelation of his own life’s meaning - that event which I may not yet have found, but on whose path I seek myself - is not earned by work.
I am prone to envy. It is one of my three default emotions, the others being greed and rage. I have also experienced compassion and generosity, but only fleetingly and usually while drunk, so I have little memory.
Misery is a heart that can never be content with what it has and, by always craving something more, brings about its own destruction. And desolation is a heart so fearful of losing what it hoards that it never knows the richness that comes from being...
People are always judging you based on where you're from, where you went to school, how you look, how you talk. But at the end of the day, you're going to have to look into the mirror and accept who you are. It's all about being authentic.
If we have no evidence of what happens after life, then there are infinite logical possibilities. Since there is only one kind of nothing, that means the chances of the being no afterlife is one in infinity. Therefore the only logical philosophy is t...
Being a parent has taught me a lot of things already, you know, though it's only been a year and half, and has made me address parts of myself that I would otherwise live in comfortable denial of, or you know and - you know, for instance, my self-loa...
