[viewing the crime scene of Leo Crow's murder] Danny Witwer: I worked homicide before federal. This is what we call an orgy of evidence. You know how many orgies I had as a homicide cop? Officer Fletcher: How many? Danny Witwer: None. [crouches down ...
Colonel Blake: We have our slight periods here, but when the action starts, you'll get more work in 12 hours than a civili... Hawkeye Pierce: How many nurses do we have on the base, sir? Colonel Blake: Seventeen. Hawkeye Pierce: How many will be on m...
[Discussing how to counter Homer Stokes' campaign for governor] Junior O'Daniel: We could hire our own midget, even shorter than his. Pappy O'Daniel: Wouldn't we look like a bunch of Johnny-come-latelies, bragging on our own midget, doesn't matter ho...
Monk: All right, go ahead. Just see how far you get. Go on, go on. You won't last. You'll see how it is in the real world. Go on. You'll come back. You're just bluff. You're all phony. You'll be back. It may take a week, it may take an hour, but you'...
Christopher Gardner: It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the p...
Dave: So tell us Mark, now at the very end - what was your secret? How did you get all them girls? Mark: Simple. Don't say anything at all. 'Young' Carl: Nothing? Mark: Nothing. Then, when the tension becomes too much to bear, you finally, finally, y...
Feathers: How does a... how does a man get to be a sheriff? John T. Chance: Gets lazy. Gets tired of selling his gun all over. Decides to sell it in one place. Feathers: I'd say you made a poor sale. John T. Chance: A lot of people around here'll agr...
[In a telephone booth with the door closed] Raymond: Uh oh fart. Uh oh fart. Charlie: Did you fart, Ray? Did you fucking fart? Raymond: Fart. Charlie: [Trying unsuccessfully to open the door] How can you stand that? Raymond: I don't mind it. Charlie:...
President Merkin Muffley: I will not go down in history as the greatest mass-murderer since Adolf Hitler. General "Buck" Turgidson: Perhaps it might be better, Mr. President, if you were more concerned with the American People than with your image in...
Dr. Strangelove: Of course, the whole point of a Doomsday Machine is lost, if you *keep* it a *secret*! Why didn't you tell the world, EH? Ambassador de Sadesky: It was to be announced at the Party Congress on Monday. As you know, the Premier loves s...
[first title card] Title Card: It is the stated position of the U.S. Air Force that their safeguards would prevent the occurrence of such events as are depicted in this film. Furthermore, it should be noted that none of the characters portrayed in th...
Adm. Randolph: Try one of these Jamaican cigars, Ambassador. They're pretty good. Ambassador de Sadesky: Thank you, no. I do not support the work of imperialist stooges. Adm. Randolph: Oh, only commie stooges, huh?
President Merkin Muffley: You mean people could actually stay down there for a hundred years? Dr. Strangelove: It would not be difficult, Mein Führer. Nuclear reactors could - heh, I'm sorry, Mr. President - nuclear reactors could provide power almo...
General "Buck" Turgidson: Hmm... Strangelove? What kind of a name is that? That ain't no Kraut name is it, Stainesey? Mr. Staines: He changed it when he became a citizen. Used to be Merkwürdigliebe. [the German word for "Strangelove"] General "Buck"...
General "Buck" Turgidson: If the pilot's good, see, I mean if he's reeeally sharp, he can barrel that baby in so low... oh you oughta see it sometime. It's a sight. A big plane like a '52... varrrooom! Its jet exhaust... frying chickens in the barnya...
Major T. J. "King" Kong: Well, I've been to one world fair, a picnic, and a rodeo, and that's the stupidest thing I ever heard come over a set of earphones. You sure you got today's codes?
The Professor: Bonjour, mesdames et monsiuers. Yesterday we have learned the correct way how to boil water. Today we will learn the correct way how to crack an egg. Voilà! An egg. Now, an egg is not a stone; it is not made of wood, it is a living th...
Sean Parker: You don't even know what the thing is yet. How big it can get, how far it can go. This is no time to take your chips down. A million dollars isn't cool, you know what's cool? Eduardo Saverin: [Sarcastically] You? Sean Parker: [the scene ...
Capt. Malcolm Reynolds: I didn't start this. Jayne Cobb: No, that's right. Alliance starts the war, and then you volunteer. Battle of Serenity, Mal. Besides Zoe here, how many... [Mal turns to walk away] Jayne Cobb: Hey, I'm talking at you! How many ...
Barto: How long have you been with the BCI now, Serpico? Frank Serpico: All my life. Barto: That's long enough to know how we do things. Frank Serpico: Barto, it's not just that. [in a sarcastic tone] Frank Serpico: You don't like me! Barto: BCI neve...
Goudy: [cross-examining Rooster] How many men have you shot since you became a marshal, Mr. Cogburn? Rooster Cogburn: I never shot nobody I didn't have to. Goudy: That was not the question. How many? Rooster Cogburn: Uh... shot or killed? Goudy: Oh, ...
