Motorcycle Officer: License, lady? Maude: I don't have one. I don't believe in them. Motorcycle Officer: How long you been driving, lady? Maude: About 45 minutes, [turning to Harold] Maude: wouldn't you say, Harold? We were hoping to start sooner but...
Hamlet: Now mother, what's the matter? Gertrude: Hamlet, thou hast thy father much offended. Hamlet: Mother, you have *my* father much offended. Gertrude: Come, come, you answer with an idle tongue. Hamlet: Go, go, you question with a wicked tongue! ...
Gillespie: How much they pay you to do their police work? Tibbs: A hundred and sixty-two dollars, and thirty-nine cents per week. Gillespie: A hundred and sixty-two dollars and thirty-nine cents a week? Well boy! Sam, you take him outside but treat h...
Alan Garner: Guys. Guys. What about the tiger? What if he got out? Phil Wenneck: Oh, fuck! I keep forgetting about the goddamn tiger! How the fuck did he get in there? Stu Price: I don't know, because I don't remember. Phil Wenneck: Shh! Stu. Stu, ke...
Dr. Sanderson: It sounds funny, but I'll miss this place. I guess I'll miss a lot of things around here. Miss Kelly: You will? Dr. Sanderson: You won't laugh? Miss Kelly: Of course not. Dr. Sanderson: You know how it is working around people day afte...
Bert Gordon: How's your hand? Fast Eddie: Fine. Bert Gordon: Good. I'd hate to think I was puttin' my money on a cripple. Fast Eddie: Hey, whaddaya say somethin' like that for? Sarah Packard: It's alright, Eddie. I'm sure Mr. Gordon meant no offense....
Bert Gordon: You're here on a rain check and I know it. You're hangin' on by your nails. You let that glory whistle blow loud and clear for Eddie and you're a wreck on a railroad track... you're a horse that finished last. So don't make trouble, Miss...
Ken: [Talking in Japanese] It's been a year, hasn't it? I wake up sometimes in the middle of the night and think about Parker. He was a good friend. I understand how you feel. Hachi, my friend, Parker is never coming home. But if Hachiko wants to wai...
Adolf Hitler: How did you survive this ordeal? Pvt. Butz: They let me go. Adolf Hitler: You are not to tell anybody anything! Not one word of detail! Your outfit was ambushed and you got away! Not one word more! Pvt. Butz: Yes, mein fuhrer. Adolf Hit...
Bill: Anyhow, they all fell under her Hanzo sword. Budd: She's got a Hanzo sword? Bill: He made one for her. Budd: Didn't he swear a blood oath to never make another sword? Bill: It would appear he has broken it. Budd: Them Japs sure know how to hold...
Budd: That gentled ya down some. Ain't nobody a badass with a double dose of rock salt that deep in their tits. Not havin tits as fine or big as yours, I can't even imagine how bad that shit must sting... yet I don't want to, neither. [the Bride spit...
Bill: I was just admiring your sword. Quite a piece of work. Speaking of which, how is Hanzo-san? The Bride: He's good. Bill: Has his sushi gotten any better? The Bride: [shakes her head] Bill: You know, I couldn't believe it. You got him to make you...
Harry: [narrating] I tell him about destiny; he's shaking his head. About dreamgirls; he doesn't care. I mention the underwear thing? He has a *fucking conniption*. And you? How 'bout it, filmgoer? Have you solved the case of the - the dead people in...
Ted Kramer: Margaret, I just need to know something. Did you put Joanna up to this? Margaret Phelps: No, I did not put Joanna up to this. Ted Kramer: Give her a little pep talk, maybe? Margaret Phelps: Joanna is a very unhappy woman and it took a lot...
[Ted and Billy are having dinner] Ted Kramer: How was school today? Billy Kramer: Same as usual. Ted Kramer: Hey, I see the Knicks finally won a game, what do you know? Billy Kramer: I don't care. Ted Kramer: What do you mean? Billy Kramer: I like Bo...
Sam: By the way, I feel bad. I never asked you how your love life is going. Daniel: [mock chuckles] No. As you know, that was a done deal long ago. Unless, of course, Claudia Schiffer calls, in which case I want you out of the house straight away, yo...
Giosué Orefice: Buttons and soap. Guido: What? Giosué Orefice: They turn us into buttons and soap. Guido: Who told you that? Giosué Orefice: An old man was crying. He said they turn us into buttons and soap. They burn us all up in ovens. Guido: Ho...
Brian: I'm not the Messiah! Will you please listen? I am not the Messiah, do you understand? Honestly! Girl: Only the true Messiah denies His divinity. Brian: What? Well, what sort of chance does that give me? All right! I am the Messiah! Followers: ...
Bud White: Bullshit. How would a two-bit hick like Meeks get his hands on a large supply of heroin? Johnny Stompanato: You're right, it's probably bullshit. Even if he did, he could never unload it. Not without drawing all kinds of attention. Bud Whi...
Fred Madison: How did you meet that asshole Andy, anyway? Renee Madison: It was a long time ago. I met him at this place called Moke's. We... became friends. He told me about a job... Fred Madison: What job? Renee Madison: Ah... I don't remember. Any...
Chad: You're like the woman from The Omen. You've given birth to a demon, and now it's gonna kill you. Liza Weld: You probably identify with the kid from The Omen, right? Chad: Ooh! Liza Weld: See, you're an only child, aren't you? Chad: I gotta say,...
