Quotes of: Holy-book Keyword

A lifestyle of deception is hard to keep up if your clones aren’t willing to participate.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

Why are desire scales 1-10? They should be 1-12, like a clock, because I want her 1-12, I mean like all the time.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

God created the heavens, while the devil created doubt. Here is a short list of Lucifer's other notable inventions: matches, the lighter, the flamethrower, and George Burns.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

My mother-in-law scared the hell out of me. But it’s cool, because the stench of Satan reminds me of her anyways. Hungry? Deviled eggs anyone?

This Book is Not FOR SALE

My left hand is my bad hand. I spank it with my right hand. You might call it clapping, but I call it discipline.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I built my ex wife a Castle of Love, and she dug a moat and filled it with sharks and lawyers. Oh well, at least I got to keep the unicorn.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I would have fought the forest fire, but it was a dragon-breathing forest fire, and I forgot my sword, my pen, and my Geoffrey of Monmouth tunic.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I dreamt it in my dream. You tried to steal my dream—the whole thing. But even though it was a dream, it was still too heavy for you to lift.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I don’t drink water, because if water can erode rock, think what it can do to flesh.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

My drug of choice is love. Sure, I’ve tried other drugs, but no other drug gets both the dealer and user high from every transaction.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Love has a sound, if you know what to listen for. It sounds like silence, surrounded by blindness. It’s the Helen Keller of emotions, at least for me.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’m a master of encouragement. Why should I do work myself when the price of getting others to do it for me is as cheap as cheering them on?

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If you say renewable, I’ll think energy. If you say fore, I’ll think play. If you say binary, I’ll think anal defibrillator.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Numbers have power. But not enough to supply all the energy for all your daily electrical needs. There’s just not enough strength in numbers for all that.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Some people believe that people are essentially evil. Others believe people are essentially good. I believe they are somewhere in the middle, like Denver.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Some people are happy to exist, and other people are happy to exit. If you’re wondering why everyone is running, it’s because I just pulled the fire alarm.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I stepped on a banana spider today. I didn't crush it, but I did slip and fall. Then I got bit by one of the Three Stooges, possibly John McCain.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

There is one tree in Gainesville I call "Grandfather" because it looks like a giant Bonsai tree. Well, that and I actually thought it was my mother's father for the longest time.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I like people watching. My favorite places are cemeteries. Tell your great grandpa I said hi next time you see him.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I found out who my real dad is on Facebook. I also found out who he isn’t. He isn’t the man I thought he isn’t.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I think the perfect pen name is Quill McSeagull. Especially for writing flights of fancy—and nothing has more feathers than a love poem.

This Book is Not FOR SALE