Quotes of: Holy-book Keyword

Free pyramids! Buy one, get one half buried.

This is the best book I've ever written, and it still sucks

Love is a bridge between your future and mine. A bridge constructed entirely out of trust, honesty, and in our case, wooden planks.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Hungry and thirsty? Soup solves both problems at once. My love for you is starved and dehydrated, and all I need is one spoon.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Different people have different ideas. We need to kill them—the ideas, not the people. The people we just need to torture.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Shakespeare asked what’s in a name. Well, each of my clones won’t be named the same as me, but they’ll be me and just as sweet.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

When someone I admire turns out to be a rather normal guy, I get offended because it’s an insult to my jealousy.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

She tried to insult me in front of the whole party. So what could I do but yawn and walk away?

This Book is Not FOR SALE

The ability to gauge intelligence is itself a form of intelligence. Monkeys don’t ponder how smart monkeys are. Ditto for politicians.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

The internet's a great way to meet people. You never really know someone until you see their fake profile.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

My knowledge is mine to use as I see fit. But I’m way too out of shape to see fit.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

What does it matter if you can speak two or more languages if you have nothing original to say in any language?

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I can’t get car parts at Lowes, the home improvement store? If I lived in my car, my car would be my home.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If I were a shovel salesman, my biggest customers would be murderers. Oh, and spurned lovers trying to bury the past.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

2 out of 4 numbers prefer being in the bottom 50 percent. Half of all lovers also prefer being on the bottom.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I love petting trees. Especially if they are fir trees. Single lovers should be good with their hands. I admire Bigfoot.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I’ve long suspected myself of being a suspicious person. But that’s OK, because suspicious people make better lovers, right?

This Book is Not FOR SALE

If anybody ever tells me to face them like a man, I’ll get offended, because my face can’t grow a beard.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

Maturity doesn’t advance linearly, like you steadily and readily becoming more profound in your thinking. No, it staggers and stumbles like a drunk.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

An empty room holds nothing but memories. At least it would, if I didn’t just finish packing up the last of the sadness.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

The scent of your asshole smells like childhood memories. I mean it would, if I grew up in New Jersey.

This Book is Not FOR SALE

I didn’t make two mistakes all day yesterday. I just made one long one that lasted 24 hours.


This Book is Not FOR SALE