Quotes of: Holy-book Keyword

Fear is healthy. I wish it came in a pill. I'd bottle it up and sell it to little children and the elderly.

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Renaldo once made a sex tape, and even fully erect, he still had to shoot it four times just to get some "footage.

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Never let go of a good thing without a fight. Especially if that good thing is a pair of boxing gloves.

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Some guys are the type of people who bring brass knuckles to a fight. I've always thought it prudent to bring some running shoes.

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I’m nothing. I’m just a humble man in a bumblebee costume trying to pollinate with a woman as romantic as a flower. Love doesn’t have to sting.

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He wanted to pay me in agriculture, but I told him, "I need something that's going to put food on the table.

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When there’s no more food, only the anorexics will be amped up. And I’ll be there to drink up that excitement, because eating all that food made me thirsty.

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An inch of enchilada, as good as it is, is not even worth a centimeter of love. My feelings for you are hot, so you may need some sour cream.

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Even roaches won’t eat McDonald’s. Neither will any of the Donalds I know, and I don't know anybody named Donald.

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I told her I'd wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who'd give me a ride home.

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I say yes, turn the other cheek, and let me slap your butt again. Forgiveness can be oh so naughty.

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I could tell we were going to get along from the way he wiped his ass—on my tie.

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Normal is made up of two friends—Norm and Al. That’s twice the number of friends that I have, probably because I’m weirder than normal.

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I haven’t seen my old friends in a while. Maybe next week I’ll go visit them in the nursing home.

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What do I do for fun? Well, I’d love to get into the bank robbing business, but government work is not for me.

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Last time I had sex I was so good I got a standing ovation. Well, actually, I just got the clap.

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I like wearing a blindfold while watching movies, so that I can focus on the dialogue. My favorite flicks are the silent movies.

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If I were a mannequin, I'd know people would only want me for my body. But that's OK, because that's how it is now.

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I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight.

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I like watching people stretch in the park. It's my new favorite pastime since I bought a portable rack.

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My words and my ideas are my property, and I’ll keep and protect them as surely as I do my stable of unicorns.

This Book is Not FOR SALE